Your best fictional coronavirus conspiracy theory

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Ssalam, Mar 9, 2020.

  1. Ssalam

    Ssalam TZT Abuser

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    My mother-in-law unintentionally had a crazy conspiracy theory the other day. We were talking about the coronavirus and whether or not it was serious. Then she kind of went quiet for a second and said, "Everyone is buying masks... what if they released the virus to freak us out, then, since they make the masks in china, shipped all the masks to the US with the virus."

    That made me want to think of my own conspiracy.

    Here's mine: Trump wanted to cripple the Chinese economy so they would renegotiate the trade deal. So, one of the possible options was to create a biological threat to their nation to cause a quarantine and overwhelm their medical facilities. They had an agent release it in Wuhan to make it look like it was China's fault, and they chose a virus that would target older people. That way, when it comes to the US, let it take out all the seniors, which solves the social security problem. And you guys thought Trump was stupid.
     
  2. Velox

    Velox TZT Abuser

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    Except seniors are his base, and he has been bungling the handling of it.
     
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  3. Ssalam

    Ssalam TZT Abuser

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    It's not real.
     
  4. Fais

    Fais TZT Abuser

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    It's too dangerous to speculate. Pandora's box is already open.
     
  5. Vlaara

    Vlaara Maaruk the Mighty

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    he literally said fictional, either you made it up for fun or you heard some ridiculous conspiracy.
     
  6. Velox

    Velox TZT Abuser

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    I could definitely see Trump doing it, so it was credible until he started looking woefully unprepared.
     
  7. AgelessDrifter

    AgelessDrifter TZT Neckbeard Lord

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    It’s bees.

    That’s the whole theory
     
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  8. Fais

    Fais TZT Abuser

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    Lone actor who's motives are population control, and to upset current world order for a better tomorrow. I would look at the people who were part of a specific study that I won't link.
     
  9. Utumno

    Utumno Administrator Staff Member

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    The Thanos theory.
     
  10. Utumno

    Utumno Administrator Staff Member

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    I'll take it a step further though because lone actors are not fun.

    This is all Greenpeace for sure. See the before/after graphs of air pollution in China? This is a giant fuck-you to globalism and unbridled industry, growth for growth's sake just stopped in its motherfucking tracks.
     
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  11. Ssalam

    Ssalam TZT Abuser

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    After thinking about it, I got this.

    Trump doesn't need the seniors after he gets reelected. The goal is to declare martial law once the healthcare system has been overrun. It doesn't matter if it's before or after the election, since Biden is throwing it. Once the system is overwhelmed, Trump and the rest of the Illuminati will begin their strategy of implementing a global government. They create an international body of law to to regulate the outbreak, and the conservatives (the ones with all the guns) will consent because he's "their guy." Once a new governing body has been established, the vaccine will be released and the rest of us plebs will thank our savior, Trump.
     
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  12. Velox

    Velox TZT Abuser

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    I heard children were less susceptible also. Thank Greta.
     
  13. Fais

    Fais TZT Abuser

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    I was wondering what that Thanos Theory was, now it makes sense.
     
  14. Utumno

    Utumno Administrator Staff Member

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    upload_2020-3-9_11-2-28.png
     
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  15. Vlaara

    Vlaara Maaruk the Mighty

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    Bees as individuals couldn't have done this, and normally I wouldn't even suspect them. However, once they are under threat they form a hive mind...
     
  16. Red

    Red TZT Neckbeard

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    An admin wife went to China due to their wide variety of exotic meats being sold without any over site. Once in the market they gorged themselves on all kinds of uncleaned animals making the perfect storm not only for caloric intake but for disease mutation.
     
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  17. TulionKT

    TulionKT Spamaton Will Rise Again

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    Sweet baby Jesus wants to punish the world for gay people, lack of prayer in schools, Bryan Adams and masturbation.
     
  18. AgelessDrifter

    AgelessDrifter TZT Neckbeard Lord

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  19. Agrul

    Agrul TZT Neckbeard Lord

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    the coronavirus is a research product of the chinese government

    but it wasnt designed to kill us. it was designed us to save us from the impending super bacteria, for which COVID-19 will turn out to be the primary natural predator
     
  20. Arogarn

    Arogarn TZT Neckbeard

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    COVID-19 is not actually a virus in the traditional sense, but rather a type of nanobot that mimics the coronavirus transmittal mechanism, with added modifications to bolster encompassment. Quietly developed by burgeoning Artificial Intelligence research projects that had been stimulated into a feedback loop which catapulted them far past the understanding capacity of it's creators, the COVID-19 nanobots will immediately serve to magnanimously cull humanity's organic footprint on the Earth back to sustainable levels. Furthermore, COVID-19 will eventually infect and slay every human on the planet. One by one, coronavirus will invade and document each and every person, the illness becoming more severe and wicked as it's cataloging victims offers more resistance to it's respiratory burdening, until we've all been slain, our minds and essences added to the singularity; memories of our former lives as crafty hairless apes no more vivid, nor less comforting, than thoughts of our time being birthed in the womb.