tzt is a great reminder of the simpler times

Discussion in 'Spamalot - nsfw' started by Kenneth Luxberry, Feb 26, 2020.

  1. Kenneth Luxberry

    Kenneth Luxberry TZT Neckbeard

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    13,604
    I'm in between jobs. I start a new one on Monday and am off this week. The weather in Arizona is beautiful right now. It's my favorite time of the year before the brutal summer hits. I refuse to to enjoy it however, I ordered FF12 Zodiac Age for Switch and subjugate my girlfriend to the anime ish cut scenes she hates so much.

    There's just something about this time of the year that makes me really happy. The fresh desert air, a little cold brew(and a blunt), the gym. People always talk about how boring retirement would be. Not me. It's my dream to just kind of sit around and do whatever the fuck I want. Workout, cook, take the time to eat healthy, some art project, read a book, write a book, play with the dogs. It doesn't matter, I can fill an endless amount of days and not need to go to work. TZT has been with me on a lot of days like this. I love you all.

    I stop by every once in awhile. It's funny. For years I wondered how people would just one day poof and not come back (taket is a good example). I realize now, after it happening to me - it's a combination of getting busy, having other distractions and ultimately - changing your habits and rituals.

    About 2.5 years ago I was in a place where I was pretty unhappy with a lot of things. In 2020, I don't really need to pour my heart out on TZT about why - let's just say that life was REALLY good for awhile, then it got really shitty. Everything fell apart so to speak. It was hard and a learning experience.

    So my buddy convinced me to come work for this company. I didn't want to do it. I didn't necessarily care about the industry. But I did it. 60+ hours a week I poured myself into the work. I made jack shit for 6 months and then one day... I was given a check for $23,000 for one month and never looked back. That was pretty fucking dope. I made about $320k in two years. I've never done that before.

    I'm now leveraging that for hopefully more money and less stress at another opportunity. I think the cash grab will end as we approach another recession, but at 37 I have a vision. If I am working past 50, I will have failed.

    I'll be honest though. I feel stressed out most days. I think I've gained a good 40 lbs in nearly three years. I'm spending more time in cold therapies, hot tubs, and massage rooms to try and combat this. I understand how routine can kill and I'm trying to ensure I don't fall victim to a slow suicide by ambition.

    About three months into the work, I went to an Odesza concert. Today i'd never go but for some reason it seemed like a good idea then. I met a girl. She's dutch. She came over here for a guy about 7 years ago. It didn't work out, but almost two years later - we have. And before you ask, yeah I'm good to her. She lost both her parents very young. She deserves to have a lot of pain, but doesn't. She's amazing, so low maintenance and doesn't demand from me more than I can give. Sometimes I wonder what she would say if she truly knew the shit that goes on in my head most days. I've done well not falling into old mental patterns and burning my life to the ground.

    I sold my condo and bought a house. She moved in. I let her 13 year old, fat dog out back for 20 minutes. It got heat stroke and died.

    We rescued a new one. It bonded with me. She cried. I got her a new puppy for Christmas. Some of you might have seen them on my social. They're great.

    I've drank ayahuasca maybe 30 times in the last two years. It's connected me with a spirituality that I could not have even comprehended before entering. It's also given me a reoccurring vision of myself in my early 40s. The why and when is there, the where, what and how is still unclear. I am excited but not in a rush to age or move through where I am right now.

    I took my 62 year old retired Lt. Col in the army mother. It shook her foundation of being and self and she's since been back on her own, experiencing an awakening in retirement that for me - is the greatest gift I can give her outside of living my life solely for her.

    And this is my life now. Really not so complicated, but more deadlines, more expectations. Having to live beyond myself. I think at heart I'm a closet introvert. If I could do anything in my life, I'd give myself more alone time or more me time. It's hard though, to do anything outside yourself, you have to give yourself.

    Anyways, I miss quiet mornings like this, but I also understand how they don't serve my higher being.


    thank you for coming to my semi stream of consciousness ted talk
     
    Vlaara, TulionKT, Sear and 2 others like this.
  2. Bailon

    Bailon TZT Neckbeard

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    how do I drink the good stuff? I too could be just fine w/o work forever. Glad you are healthy and happy. We miss you.

    kissy face.

    bailon
     
    Utumno likes this.
  3. Red

    Red TZT Neckbeard

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    18,084
    My man lux living life and AMOG'ing the bad vibes
     
    Kenneth Luxberry and Utumno like this.
  4. AgelessDrifter

    AgelessDrifter TZT Neckbeard Lord

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    This is the wholesome content TZT needs

    3062DD46-10ED-4DBA-86D0-BC920B850AFD.png
     
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  5. Utumno

    Utumno Administrator Staff Member

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    42,326
    The best lux post ever.

    Classics this shit.
     
  6. Utumno

    Utumno Administrator Staff Member

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    42,326
    I rly would like to try this but 2 scared

    A close pal of mine says this about himself. I think that's a thing.

    Also, alone time rules. I desperately need it. Though I also need to know the signs that I've passed the point of "refreshed" and into "lonely cave-dweller" and venture out again.

    Also this is the happiest you've ever sounded in, well.... ever. Good for you man.
     
  7. Sear

    Sear TZT Neckbeard Lord

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    33,468
    agreed - this was wholesome as hell

    I'm glad you still pop in once in a while, Lux. Seems like you're doing really well. We share the same endgame goal (to retire before 50).

    FF12 any good? I never got around to playing that one.
     
  8. globally banned

    globally banned TZT Abuser

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    6,736
    I've told my gf as soon as she pops out a baby I'll happily retire and be stay at home dad, gotta start swapping out her birth control
     
  9. Bailon

    Bailon TZT Neckbeard

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    12,161
    My 5 years as stay-at-home / work-at-home dad was the BEST and I would do that until retirement if I could
     
  10. Utumno

    Utumno Administrator Staff Member

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    42,326
    GB 10 steps ahead of us.

    I should have married rich or rich-destined.
     
  11. Jong

    Jong TZT Abuser

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    9,955
    glad to hear you're doing well lux
     
    Kenneth Luxberry likes this.
  12. xanontz

    xanontz Juggalo Gang Member

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    7,675
    mr fucking i have a plan here.
    i'm still just winging it and somehow keep managing. the complete lack of planing and caring I put into life is staggering, there's no reason I should have survived this long.
     
    Torrast likes this.
  13. Kenneth Luxberry

    Kenneth Luxberry TZT Neckbeard

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    13,604
    Come to Arizona and stay with me and sit in a 2 day ceremony. It's like $350 for the weekend. Completely life changing and worth it.


    FF12 was fucking great. It was also the last one I played. I bought a xbox just for FF13, played it for about 4 hours and then returned the console. I might try and play 15 one of these days.


    Thanks everyone for the well wishes. I love you all.

    p.s. anyone on MTG Arena? :)
     
  14. AgelessDrifter

    AgelessDrifter TZT Neckbeard Lord

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    44,630
    Ayahuasca?
     
  15. Kenneth Luxberry

    Kenneth Luxberry TZT Neckbeard

    Post Count:
    13,604

    yep. great fucking group of people. great fucking shaman. in a world where there's a shit ton of ego and dark intentions, i'm so thankful to find such a group in my home town.
     
    Utumno likes this.