Texas man giving Florida Man some competition

Discussion in 'Spamalot - nsfw' started by Utumno, May 25, 2019.

  1. Utumno

    Utumno Administrator Staff Member

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  2. Sear

    Sear TZT Neckbeard Lord

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    This is definitely something that a Texan would do.

    We didn't die defending the Alamo to get beta cucked by a boat.
     
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  3. Sear

    Sear TZT Neckbeard Lord

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    btw I'm really disappointed in myself for unironically using the term "cuck"

    fucking 4chan
     
  4. Czer

    Czer I'm a poor person. The lambo is my cousin's.

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    that's not florida at all

    florida is walking at 2 am and getting bit by an alligator on the way to the gas station to throw your baby away in the dumpster
     
  5. Red

    Red TZT Neckbeard

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    Ayyyy
     
  6. Utumno

    Utumno Administrator Staff Member

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    I dunno, I definitely read that as ironic.
     
  7. xanontz

    xanontz Juggalo Gang Member

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    Florida man does stupid shit.

    Those are just men being men. The only mistake they made was that the passenger should have gotten out to film.But it is an acceptable mistake as he surely he wanted to join in.

    They knew the risk, they went for it, and they died as men. I salute them.
     
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  8. AgelessDrifter

    AgelessDrifter TZT Neckbeard Lord

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    I am currently in Tehas

    Perhaps I have brought the contagion with me
     
  9. Ssalam

    Ssalam TZT Abuser

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    Yeah, I think we're still the gold standard.

     
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  10. Red

    Red TZT Neckbeard

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    What is this grandpa video link
     
  11. Red

    Red TZT Neckbeard

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    Also things Florida man(men) did the last two days
    1. Stab his mother and flee
    2. Rob their mother at gun point and steal their car. Drive two towns up and steal his ex-girlfriends car and roll it over on the highway after a pursuit. Got out and attempted to run on foot before realizing his left leg was pretty much jelly after the crash (That was a doozy to watch)
    3. Shot at children and fled in SUV
    4. Rob a Subway at gunpoint
    5. Dance in traffic and get pepper sprayed by yours truly
    6. Massive bar brawl with some fat bitch helicoptering a bar stool around
    7. Massive house fire because meth heads were throwing cans of bug spray and mini propane bottles into a barrel to heat up wiring they stole from somewhere. It's easier to melt down to the copper instead of stripping it. Spread to two other houses.
    8. Got drunk on the beach and left 4 year old wander near the ocean and almost drown
     
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  12. Vlaara

    Vlaara Maaruk the Mighty

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  13. Agrul

    Agrul TZT Neckbeard Lord

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    #flaSwimmingLessons
     
  14. Red

    Red TZT Neckbeard

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    I really thought everyone would party themselves out by Monday/Tuesday when I came back to work. Redley was so very wrong =(
    >Be me
    >Florida Man wrangler
    >Dispatch comes alive
    >Any unit near Zone 11 suspicious person yelling with bright lights on the beach
    >Turtle nesting season
    >Lights fuck with them when they are on shore and nesting
    >Notmyfuckturtles.exe
    >Full speed ahead
    >Arrive and hear yelling in the distance
    >Muhturtles.jpeg
    >Search mode activated
    >Find local sack of shit strung out on only turtle god knows what
    >Tells me he is praying with the moon mother while spinning bright LED lanterns around
    >In good health just high as shit on something and doesn't need help
    >Babby turtles blinded by his lights
    >Doesnt meet Baker/Marchman criteria
    >Going off the rails on some crazy shit
    >Tell him about the "Sea Bears" that have been in the area due to red tide and dead fish
    >Hooklineandsinker.bat
    >Legit thinks there are aquatic bears in the area that have grey pelts because of the saltwater
    >Might wanna leave because the lights and noise might attract them
    >Lanterns get shut off and he disappears into the night
    >Two hours later
    >Dispatch any unit in the area of Zone 8 suspicious person
    >Transmission going out over county wide radio
    >Caller is advising he has seen several sea bears in the area. Caller thinks they are chasing him due to his singing and dancing
    >Phonering.jpeg
    >Sgt asks me if I know what that is all about
    >Mfw I am reading the CAD updates as he is talking with dispatch and Sgt asking if I told some crackhead there were sea bears in the area

    [​IMG]
     
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  15. Czer

    Czer I'm a poor person. The lambo is my cousin's.

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  16. AgelessDrifter

    AgelessDrifter TZT Neckbeard Lord

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  17. Utumno

    Utumno Administrator Staff Member

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    nothing scarier than a sea bear tbh
     
  18. Vlaara

    Vlaara Maaruk the Mighty

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