Inspired by the "Songs You're Listening To" thread I decided to strike out on my own and just make an altered copy of it and pass it off as my own fresh material, as is the American way. I begin with "Don't Take the Girl" a 90's hit from Tim McGraw that made me want to stab hot knitting needles into my ears as a child. For the longest time in Houston, Texas this song was completely inescapable. To sum it up the crux of the song is its stupid title, beginning as a young boy prepared to go on a fishing trip with his father. When a little girl shows up with a fishing pole he pleads with his father to bring one of his many friends that were apparently named by Stan Lee along instead. The father remains steadfast in his decision, replying that one day his son will be plowing her so that its in his best interest. Thus the first meaning to the phrase "Don't Take the Girl" Fast forward a decade and the father's prophecy has come to pass as his son is plowing this chick. He's making out with her right in front of a movie theatre like the tacky shitdick he is when some dude pulls a gun on them. Instead of just giving this dude his shit and moving on he utters the second iteration of "Don't Take the Girl" for some strange reason putting the thought of kidnapping his love into the mind of his attacker. Finally five years later his wife is in labor in the hospital, but she isn't going to make it. He begs God to take all this other crap instead (I couldn't will myself to listen this far into the song for my write up so this is where it starts getting lazy) but God in his infinite wisdom ignores his cries making the third iteration of "Don't Take the Girl" the exact same as the second one because Tim McGraw is even lazier than I am. Finally at the end of the song he's about to take his own young son fishing when a young girl shows up, thus tieing up the premise of the song and damning his child to the same cycle of love and loss that has apparently been wrought through the McGraw family since the beginning of time.
I was originally going to do Achy Breaky Heart because its the only song I hate more than "Don't Take the Girl" but I felt everybody was familiar enough with it to groan at its mere mention and it didn't require a write up. Plus I will not force myself to listen to it again for you guys. I love you guys but I am incapable of loving anybody enough to subject myself to that. Plus if the person I loved loved me back they wouldn't make me so it all wraps up in a neat little bow of "fuck you I'm not listening to that song willingly"