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Topics - Vlaara the Brown

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Greater Faydork / one sip
« on: Today at 01:49:01 PM »
and i have to poop

Greater Faydork / Image Macro about gas and oil companies
« on: July 26, 2014, 04:01:57 PM »

I wonder how good of a job they are doing? Wasn't there some long explanation on reddit or something about gas and oil companies? Because when I look at that number now all I can think about is OK, so the cost to the environment etc. vs the benefit we get from using oil -- and factoring in the money the oil companies is part of looking at how good of a job we are doing at extracting, and using oil? I think there would be a lot of "waste" on the using side as well, so we buy all this oil at these prices and the oil companies profit -- but then what do we use the energy for? That seems just as important.



Greater Faydork / Being friends with white people
« on: July 25, 2014, 08:11:06 PM »
The two friends who I called to come help me last week were both white. I do have a lot of good friends, and a lot who would help me if I asked but they were who I wanted to have with me for this. Both of them knew my brother for almost as long as they knew me. I haven't known them for my whole life but it feels like it anyhow. I know I said this already but the other part is that no matter how I come across sometimes I do know and love a lot of white folks, and it's tough to tease these things apart sometimes but no matter what I say I know white people aren't inherently evil, you are just raised that way.

kidding, kidding.

I am thankful for my entire support group.

In other news I amused myself with these FB comments:

Greater Faydork / Do you think this is true?
« on: July 25, 2014, 02:34:56 AM »

Spamalot / 1st servicel today
« on: July 23, 2014, 12:45:35 PM »
man, i am pretty unassailable. i really feel like i took a beating on this one, just tired.

not looking forward to this prayer service

since im not drinking if someone could get wasted in lieu of myself i would appreciate

Greater Faydork / Faydark*
« on: July 22, 2014, 10:52:25 PM »

Spamalot / woke up this morning
« on: July 21, 2014, 04:16:27 PM »
I guess this is real

Cried with my mom this morning as we remembered what was only a couple days ago. Oh my mom, she shouldn't have to deal with this. I'm going to be fine, I'm feeling a bit haunted still. I don't think anyone in this house is going to be suicidal anymore.

I got the call in the morning, I am in disbelief. I am a crazy person, pacing around my house yelling at my brother for being such a fucking dumbass. My kids are a little scared and avoiding me. I don't want to start driving because I know what is waiting on me.

Are you ready to go yet?

Ya, just give me a minute.

I wish I could lose myself in that minute.

What I don't want is I don't want to walk into this house. The grief in here oppressive and I retreat to the room immediately. MY babies want to follow me in there because they are scared. I yell at my baby to get the fuck out of there.

The smell is sweet, the mess is everywhere.

Son he had no head

My dad walked in after me, we just stand there.

My brain is trying to reconcile all the information I know.

Guy? How could it be you?

I am suicidal, my brother is suicidal, my sister is suicidal.

My middle brother is here to visit, does he remember me sitting with him in the hospital while HE was dying? Does he remember what he did to me then?

Are we too dysfunctional to know better? Do I need to drag around an upper middle class white person who can look at us and let me know when to take being suicidal seriously?

I have pieces of his skull in the freezer, mom doesn't know.

It came unbidden the first couple times. I knew what it was instantly.

The words came out of my mouth


I peel some scalp from the curtains, and survey the scene


Little bits of you everywhere my brother. My baby, my baby brother. My heart was hard towards you but I didn't mean it.


Just like cleaning up a moose kill my uncle says.


We did it, we scrubbed and scraped and laughed.


We cleaned it up in there Guy doesn't live in there anymore.


We cleaned that room for Not-Guy.

THAT is who lives there now. He is in the corner I can see him.

Not-Guy lives with us now.

My new brother.

Spamalot / ohohhhh
« on: July 17, 2014, 11:54:49 AM »
here we go again. 7 am phone call informing you your brother is dead.

not Idaru

you never met him, my baby brother. probably shot himself.

Greater Faydork / fat fingered two tabs
« on: July 15, 2014, 11:43:17 PM »
i don;t know what was in them, was it important???

Spamalot / i so made that up
« on: July 15, 2014, 09:21:57 PM »
in GD, but I wonder if its true. It does seem kind of plausible right? I mean that is exactly how pathetic humans can be.

Spamalot / sorry pals
« on: July 14, 2014, 07:19:53 PM »
I know I'm being weird. I can't help it I can't shake this feeling like maybe just maybe we really could change the world. Change humanity for the better right, these shifts do happen and they are by nature violent.

Now violence doesn't mean splitting skulls even though it often manifests like that, violent change to the way we live our lives. I mean I know you guys joke about molotovs, and I joke about them too but I suspect we really aren't joking. IF you want revolution though, then you can't do it backwards. You can't occupy wall-street without knowing what you want to do afterwards right? Zizek was correct in being more curious about the "day after" in which he is more interested in what happens after the revolution. So the task before us is to figure out what we want, what vision do we have for the world that is different, that people can hold on to. I got a great story about this, but I'll save it because this should be short. But I think that might be what we are pussyfooting around all the time with this partisan posturing, is how are we going to change the world?

Because I have my ideas, and I feel I can support them well.

There is a science to revolution, and we got a lot of the groundwork already laid right?

We have data, we have more information, better philosophy and what is a surprisingly good springboard forward with the Constitution and the Bible. Any good plan has to include those if you want to rope some people in lol.

and I better include the disclaimer that the science of revolution doesn't always mean physical violence. PLUS, you could do all the math and decide what we got going on isn't bad.

anyhow this seems way more fun than making a video game. besides unless you can top trynd you'll always be second best at that -- not to mention since trynd is part of the community we did accomplish that.


Spamalot / more spam for your inbox
« on: July 14, 2014, 06:28:42 PM »
My kids starving

These are the things I have daymares about. I can’t help but think about what our life would be like if we had no food. I don’t eat much so I’m often hungry but I can ignore it for the most part. I think about it when my wife loses her shit because she’s hungry and a small part of me hates her for being so weak.

It’s not fair because I am weak in so many other ways but I can’t help but feel superior. I think about it because I’m trying to figure out what exactly is going on here. I know you probably couldn’t see it but I gestured in the general direction of the universe.

Sometimes it feels to me we got it all figured out – we know so much.

Other times it just feels so horrible. That place it is so terrible to look at.

When you just know there is no karma, no gods but there is one God. I know we’ve all thought and talked about this so much but still it sits there monolithic. IT doesn’t taunt me or torture me the way the world does but it’s there. The spectre itself.

How do we avoid you?

The monolith does not move or change. I begin to wonder if I’m hearing an answer.

IT is as it always was, and that is the answer.


We raise our heads from the muck but cannot look here.

We are trapped.

But I have food, and we have food. My kids do eat, and my physically weak mate has a skillset that makes her valuable. For god’s sakes people make a living playing video games.

So the rest of that is true right? I am going to die, it looks like maybe the universe is going to end. We don’t really understand how we got here – a big bang right? We just exploded into existence and this – THIS must be momentum that carried us here. The explosion was so big that it created LIFE and through this are we the children of the universe? The Cosmic Womb?
Perhaps in some ways the hippies are right, but I wouldn’t hold your breath on us giving you any credit. Pussies.

I think about starving and I think about eating. I think about how I got here. I suppose this is why in any conversation about individual accomplishments of any kind  I have to suspend my own disbelief to be pragmatic. WHAT EXACTLY DID YOU BUILD YOURSELF AGAIN? YOU FORGOT YOUR ANCESTORS, YOU FORGOT OUR COLLECTIVE ANCESTORS.

It is not just Einstein standing on the shoulders of giants, we are all standing on the shoulders of giants. We take a moment lest we forget whom begat whom. We came from common people – this does not mean we are the same people no. Once we left our collective home we learned vastly different lessons about what it means to be a human being. Those lessons are valuable, they teach us a lot about what it means to be human. This point we have reached, and any point we shall ever reach we shall have done together. Even those not with us shaped the world, cultures and people long forgotten continue to have influence that has become blind.

This, the red dust. Perhaps this is why the immortals pay so little attention to this. Their gaze is fixed on the monolith.

IT is telling a story, I can tell by their reactions. How can I hear it? The terror has no sound which only serves to amplify my heartbeat. I can hear it pumping blood that is rushing through my veins. The sound of my breathing is labor. The monolith is superimposed by some vision of my heartbeat. I must look away.

With what am I to do with information that has no use? How am I supposed to profit by this knowledge? So many of us know it, but all it serves to bring us is suffering. In my darkest hours I despair in general directions. I would engulf the entire world with my MSPaint Tendrils.

I look and see in your form my beautiful son, I see the image of a God. I see it in you and feel it in me.

I am no casual observer, I am incarnate



I am taking a peek, it is all I dare.

I tell you when you look, it feels as though it is looking back. IT is not.

That feeling is being confronted with the VOID and knowing that only we stand in opposition to it. A wall of flesh scaling what? We move inexorable as always

Spamalot / with bated breath
« on: July 13, 2014, 07:50:10 PM »
i wait

The History of Creation

In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. The earth was without form, and void; and darkness was on the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God was hovering over the face of the waters.

Then God said, “Let there be light”; and there was light. And God saw the light, that it was good; and God divided the light from the darkness. God called the light Day, and the darkness He called Night. So the evening and the morning were the first day.

Then God said, “Let there be a firmament in the midst of the waters, and let it divide the waters from the waters.” Thus God made the firmament, and divided the waters which were under the firmament from the waters which were above the firmament; and it was so. And God called the firmament Heaven. So the evening and the morning were the second day.

Then God said, “Let the waters under the heavens be gathered together into one place, and let the dry land appear”; and it was so. And God called the dry land Earth, and the gathering together of the waters He called Seas. And God saw that it was good.

Then God said, “Let the earth bring forth grass, the herb that yields seed, and the fruit tree that yields fruit according to its kind, whose seed is in itself, on the earth”; and it was so. And the earth brought forth grass, the herb that yields seed according to its kind, and the tree that yields fruit, whose seed is in itself according to its kind. And God saw that it was good. So the evening and the morning were the third day.

Then God said, “Let there be lights in the firmament of the heavens to divide the day from the night; and let them be for signs and seasons, and for days and years; and let them be for lights in the firmament of the heavens to give light on the earth”; and it was so. Then God made two great lights: the greater light to rule the day, and the lesser light to rule the night. He made the stars also. God set them in the firmament of the heavens to give light on the earth, and to rule over the day and over the night, and to divide the light from the darkness. And God saw that it was good. So the evening and the morning were the fourth day.

Then God said, “Let the waters abound with an abundance of living creatures, and let birds fly above the earth across the face of the firmament of the heavens.” So God created great sea creatures and every living thing that moves, with which the waters abounded, according to their kind, and every winged bird according to its kind. And God saw that it was good. And God blessed them, saying, “Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the waters in the seas, and let birds multiply on the earth.” So the evening and the morning were the fifth day. And so it was, on the fifth day that Raven came to the earth. And Raven saw that it was good.

The lessons taught and learned by Raven taught me how to read the bible. Of course, some of those stories he told, were only told to me. Most were told to us all but sometimes its hard to hear a story from inside it.

He whispered to me

These truly are the words of God

I understood what he meant, but as this story was only intended for me it hardly makes sense for me to share it with you, but share I will. I have an agenda.  This format, I don't like it but it is the surest way of communicating the real story of the Bible. There are versions Raven told me but unfortunately he is as unreliable as the bible when it comes to the facts, but perfectly reliable as probably the greatest human story. The story of course, is between the lines. You would need a decoder ring of sorts, but decoder rings have lost their magic for the most part. Unless you really believe, and that is an ugly gift indeed.

In the beginning, was God.  God created man in his image.

God was terrible, jealous and angry. This is what is meant by OLD SCHOOL. Old school God don't fuck around, that nigga will smite you. God tested men like a jealous girlfriend. Job you sorry motherfucker!

GOD created man in his image -- this is the claim! If God created man in his image, then man is the image of God. The Story of God is the Story of Man. I know this, but mostly because I don't believe in God. So for me when I read this book that wasn't ghost-written by a God I know it is the story of man. I know it contains very human stories that tell us a lot about who we are, and even how we have grown.

As God grows we grow right? So when I read this story I feel like the NEW and OLD Testament do belong together. In both are wisdom, in both are parts of our story. Not the story of the world, no but one part of it and for me the one most relevant to my experience as an American.

The lesson of Godhood is it within the New Testament? Because THAT is a story of power. Proper Credit to Zizek, CK, and my peers for conspiring to make me think of it.

Zizek recounts that racism in the military didn't feel as offensive, because of the leveling of the power. You are all shit. Louis CK on being white, and admitting you can't hurt a white man's feelings. My peers for laughing at my joke about indigenous people, because they know i don't hold power and also because i know intimately why i might punch someone who was non-native telling the joke.

you can't hurt a white man's feelings because of power. shit, as much as you cry about being oppressed you got it. this is an american conversation im having here just to be clear, family style. how can you hurt his feelings? you got all the power, the apex of beauty belongs to you, blue eyes oh /swoon, what dominant culture?

i mean gingers are pretty unfortunate but

im kidding guys, you guys look fine.

and what does he have to be ashamed of? we won, you want us to feel bad about it? i suppose you could pick and choose when to feel bad -- but this isn't really a conversation about white people im just saying -- power! how do you hurt someone who has power?

so it was in the military, we said some shit but for some reason it didn't sting. because all the race baiting and shit talking took place within the ranks -- i mean maybe someone has another experience but you wouldn't hear a senior officer refer to Gutierrez as a wetback. Within the ranks though, all was fair game. and I stayed relatively low, only make e-4 before I left. E-4 feels like a transition rank, and with that rank i transitioned out.

and within my peer group -- it's all about knowing and recognizing who we are, and making a pleasant inside joke about something we all feel tension about all the time.

how do you hurt GOD's feelings? Jesus turned the other cheek -- not ALWAYS, which is a lesson for another time but he turned the other cheek.

Slap a God in the face? Does that hurt? What kind of indulgence do you suppose a God would be showing you if he simply turned the other cheek. That luxury belongs to him, the alpha and the omega, the beginning and the end. he turns his other cheek in a gross display of power.

and it is a display of power, him who could crush you as easily as he made you. A God who would torture your burning corpse for eternity for crossing him simply turn the other cheek.

Easy for him, because how could you hurt a God? But is this what God is doing -- just showing off his power?

No, perhaps this is the lesson we should learn from the Bible. Perhaps this is the story we are in so it makes it hard for us to understand our role in it. The story of power, and how we use it if we have it. In the way that God grew in the stories of the bible, and the lessons learned that all seem to culminate to that point where God becomes a Man, and teaches us the lesson of being a God.

There are a lot of stories, but the focus of my studies on the bible are the human narratives and stories and what is really happening in the bible? some of these stories are happening in realtime, and even if we know there is no God there is value in this story.

Listen it's either all that, or that was just some really wood weed and extra hot shower.


Greater Faydork / the red dust
« on: July 13, 2014, 05:08:26 PM »
we are caught in it
and carry out most of our lives in it
and the immortals scurry about, doing immortal things
and we try to follow them sometimes
but reach the end of our tether where death lies in wait

oh how we long to break this bondage
the truth is right there
but im high as shit

Greater Faydork / When you've nothing else
« on: July 13, 2014, 04:42:48 PM »
construct ceremonies out of the air and breathe upon them.

Spamalot / Gregor Samsa
« on: July 13, 2014, 03:10:35 PM »

Greater Faydork / Never Stop Chopping
« on: July 12, 2014, 07:41:13 AM »
I think once I looted it I haven't been able to drop it since.
IT never stop chopping.
I guess that's my axe to grind.

Spamalot / Assuming Moral Authority
« on: July 12, 2014, 02:14:26 AM »
It is fine to talk about all this, but man is it scary to do it in real life. I am writing an editorial in which I assume moral authority, and I know I'm right but I am trepidatious.

best case scenario people read it and concur
worst case im wrong
next worst no one reads it

the last is likely.

but if people concur i am scared of presuming to be that authority.

why is it so easy for white people?  :troll:

Spamalot / howzit?
« on: July 11, 2014, 06:53:14 PM »
how is our chosen mode of economy treating everyone today?

it's motherfuckin payday up in this bitch.

Greater Faydork / Closing Time
« on: July 11, 2014, 04:05:33 PM »
Semisonic - Closing Time (HQ) Lyrics [in description]

Closing time

You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here.

Every new beginning, comes from some other beginning's end.

Greater Faydork / Thank you Knitting
« on: July 11, 2014, 04:00:17 PM »
for reminding me why browsing spamalot at work can be a risky enterprise.

Greater Faydork / who's mom is this
« on: July 10, 2014, 10:58:40 PM »

Spamalot / also
« on: July 10, 2014, 08:50:27 PM »
lurker comments in nhb creep me the fuck out.

Spamalot / Listen
« on: July 10, 2014, 08:44:35 PM »
just bear with me ok

this is all coming full circle i promise

Greater Faydork / ?????? (or "Pootie Pie")
« on: July 10, 2014, 08:37:36 PM »
When do we get to the business at hand anyhow?

Greater Faydork / genealogy thread
« on: July 10, 2014, 02:13:28 PM »
I looked before, could find very little on my Yup'ik and Gwich'in family. Earliest records I could find was this:

my great grandpa, who married my great grandma in 1916. Frank Chester Jones, and Mary Roderick. According to my uncle, Mary was the child of a shaman who went by "Old Roderick" who is mentioned in an older history of the area.

Frank Chester Jones was a Welsh dude, maybe from Wyoming. I looked on and found nothing, but I never did look for anything on the Jones family from Wyoming only for the eskimos and indians.

That is my recently deceased father's side of the family. Almost all of them are dead with the exception of my aunt who is the only living relative I have from that side AFAIK.

On my mom's side we are Yup'ik, Naparyarmiut -- people of the Naparyaq a small muddy slough that meanders from the bay into open ocean. super muddy, super wet there.

Anyhow all those records are lost, but we know who the family is. The "Great Death" kinda fucked up our groove, so I know up to my great grandparents but anyone before that is lost to history.

Greater Faydork / This avatar
« on: July 10, 2014, 01:49:28 PM »
is the best.

I m going to recrop it to get rid of the white lines. I will commence after I clockin.

You can donate to my kickstarter

Greater Faydork / computer crashes
« on: July 09, 2014, 04:53:55 PM »
good guy chrome saves my post.

Getting Fat with TZT / i cook errrrry day
« on: July 09, 2014, 05:31:30 AM »
making moose spaghetti.

i never use the spaghetti sauce anymore, i always make my own.

sauteee some onions, some garlic and shit

then i think i poop some anchovies all over it bc i love fish.

then some tomato paste pasting

then canned tomatoes if im lazy, but otherwise i put 'em fresh. let that shit simmer

that mooose was already browned btw, i did it earlier but i forgot to mention it. anyhow

you add that, or lots of times i like to use pork instead of moose

al dente pasta you were cooking at some point i hope, and add the sauce to it. but not too much like a filthy american. the sauce complements the noodles.

wait you made the noodles yourself right?

just kidding, that would be cool but im not that good yet. i think i am going to make some noodles after work tomorrow.

add lots of cheese, i like to add some mozza for heft, and parmesan for flavor and i bet this shit is like 2,000 calories a serving but man is it good.

Greater Faydork / ??????
« on: July 03, 2014, 03:32:59 PM »
So delicious to be able to indulge in this. As much as I despise some of the aspects of material culture sometimes I wonder if this is the only thing that enables this:

Iggy Azalea - Fancy (Explicit) ft. Charli XCX

I like the song, I like the imagery -- the theme is a bit fetishist I guess. I wonder why people fetishize that age? IS that a fucking word?

Anyhow, I had to google it because I love the lesson in physics line. I am now listening to it over and over which I will probably do for a couple hours while I try and work.

I can work here:

How much power do you guys think the names we call ourselves have?

Still working on the Redskins thing.

Here in Alaska we have a team called the Halfbreeds. The story isn't a bad one, they used to be the knights or something, and in the 70's they decided to change their name. They chose halfbreeds to reflect the racial makeup of the town, many of them were half native, and half white. aniak is also far enough up the river it was like a mixing place of yuuks and koyukons so it was already a place where cultures met. their logo is a white man with a gun, and a native man with a spear arm in arm or some shit. Here I found it:

(I wonder how many of them are halfbreeds?)

IDK, I feel like its not a big deal, ofc I never really thought the redskins thing was either. i mean yeah fucking change it, no brainer right? i think someone here said it well about this not being a surprise at all the trademark decision. even if the term is outdated, its still not one we should accommodate. you might get away with calling a black person a spook (ala Clint Eastwuzzle) but I dare you to name a team that, or try and trademark it.

i understand shit gets grandfathered in though, it wasn't like there was a demarcation where the PC police came into existence, it happens slowly as our culture changes right? the redskins name going away was inevitable. well maybe better to say the PC police are always here, but what they enforce changes.

alaska is always like 10 years behind on everything. seems silly to be even writing this, maybe im just showing them "hey that writing on the wall? you can't ignore it"

hahaha, man. writing on the wall always makes me think of dicks. i have seen so many dicks drawn on so many walls.

anyhow, halfbreeds. good intent, bad execution or whatever it is we used to say in the corps.

so i wonder how much power those words have over us? for them it seemingly has none, halfbreeds is what they are. they show up in local headlines

(obligatory stormfront link to what I'm talking about:

Halfbreed boys and girls dominate Kuskokwim Conference

I wonder if they ever give editors pause when putting THAT out there? My editor never even heard of them.

You know, I'm not that concerned with the power of that name. It has none or not much I guess.

We got tons of other teams with names like "braves"


Iggy Azalea - Work (Explicit)

I like this one too, the track itself not so much but I like the imagery. It's kind of perversely beautiful in a way, like these are the crowning achievements of our collective people. This video, built on just millenia of whatever horrifying things we have gone through as human beings. that whole nasty poor, brutish and short part and through every story you can think of and some of it culminated in this. At 1:52, she stripping and that made me think of the whole strip club experience, I won't lie I enjoy it. A place that my exploitative, capitalistic, patriarchal society makes possible, and you have to admit it has its own appeal.

I just can't think of an equivalent experience. Yes, you can get women to dance on your lap and get naked for free. Drunk chicks. lol

But that is not a strip club. It's not giving money, or paying for a lap dance. I wouldn't even want one if it was free.

Probably says something weird about me, but while I'm not in good company -- I have lots of it.

I think overall I just want "this" for more people. The luxury of sitting my ass and listening to music, and thinking and writing and reading. I have a world of worries, and the world is so torturous to me but sometimes life is good and it should be. This is it right?

I might end up having to write this book on TZT like its my livejournal which might work because my audience is you.

***end break**

So out of all the other teams the one I chose to pick on was the Wasilla Warriors, because high school rivals, and Sarah Palin hometown. Part of the difference between names like the "braves" and "warriors" is those words are fundamentally different than redskins and halfbreed. in the case of redskins, just bad all around. halfbreed can be neutral, but it can only AT BEST be neutral. Names like braves and warriors can be positive, and aside from reducing an entire culture to a caricature (which to me, is only potentially problematic) can also be associated with native americans in a positive way. you go to the warriors fanpage though:

and its fat white kids dressed as indians for DAYS.

who can blame the kids, i don't. doesn't even make me mad, but i wouldn't allow it if I was the principal. that picture would spark outrage in indian country, or in the more liberal parts of the lower 48 but here it's on the official website. i imagine it will go away as well, but it's local enough it might fly under the radar -- maybe not though. after all, when you look at the mascot:

This is clearly a plains indian of some sort. Wasilla has perfectly good indians who are from the area. knik tribal, who are iirc dena'ina.

they don't wear headdresses though, and they might not like chubby white kids dressing up like them either. plus the population of native americans in the valley is a pan-ethnic group that includes my parents who are transplants but have put down some roots in Palmer.

should we wait for the pc police to catch up to alaska or is this something we should get out ahead and collectively decide the words we call ourselves, or other people? idk, we all live in Alaska and I'm resigned to the fact that white people are likely here to stay, so we got to live with them somehow right? lol

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