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Topics - Maaruk who was Vlaara

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Spamalot / day 258
« on: Today at 01:19:14 PM »
It's been a week since I finally threw a bag of skull chips and scalp pieces I couldn't bear to part with for some reason. I wanted them gone in some kind of ritual, burning them or laying them to rest in one of the rivers or creeks my brother liked to inhabit. In the end bugs got inside and bred and all died inside the plastic bags it was contained it. I tossed it out unceremoniously with the rest of the garbage, because that is what it was after all.

I still think about it most mornings.  I go days without crying sometimes, but it is not that often.

You'll remember its not just him I'm mourning, it is all kinds of loss.

I still question that it really happened sometimes, or whether I even had a brother because its not like I don't know or remember everything it just seems like a nightmare when I think about it.

I said to my wife that it seems like I have all these memories that seem like nightmares, too much, sometimes it feels like my life is a nightmare.

Her response was 'it kinda is' and she walked off.

Kinda hit home.

What else am I supposed to do though?

258 days and it feels like a lifetime. I move into the future facing backwards, I see it all receding in front of me.

I remember everything I don't want to and forget everything I cherish!

Spamalot / i'll just post this
« on: March 28, 2015, 01:56:50 PM »
i got too much to say

Spamalot / They say it takes 10,000 posts
« on: March 17, 2015, 01:24:58 PM »
to master posting.

Well this is clearly bullshit.

Spamalot / Consolation Prize
« on: March 17, 2015, 11:28:41 AM »
Every morning I wake up from my dreamless sleeps
to a similar world to the one I left behind

My kids still sleep with me,
not because they want to, although they do
because I need them

I want to wake up in this room forever

I almost took a picture so you could see but a picture doesn't so it justice.
The picture couldn't capture the context in which the story takes place.

Sometimes I call them my consolation prize

and sometimes I am even consoled.

General Discussion / Ellen Degeneres
« on: March 12, 2015, 03:10:56 PM »
I love her. She was very good as Dory too.

Anyways love her or hate her? I would make a poll but I don't actually care about the hard data on this one.

Spamalot / My mousewheel begins to melt into my finger again
« on: February 27, 2015, 05:17:40 PM »
I feel like I'm making the same post over and over and over and over.

Masturbatory but I invite you to take part in it, not jerking me off, jerking yourself off in a most holy fashion.

Man what are we doing here I scroll back and forth between histories and they all begin to melt into one another and I love and hate us so much. I can feel my finger make contact with and push and pull like a flesh avatar of a God.

I am fire, do I issue forth like a bird?

General Discussion / Who's going to take responsibility for this?
« on: February 27, 2015, 03:55:36 PM »

do we need to kill it with fire?

Spamalot / My mousewheel works again
« on: February 27, 2015, 02:31:01 PM »
I played it some Nicki Minaj it started working again.

Nicki Minaj - Anaconda

Spamalot / mousewheel broken
« on: February 23, 2015, 01:37:28 PM »
too much scrolling. wheel between first and third person all the time in EQ probably doesn't help because i abuse the keyboard and mouse when i play any games. anyways this is annoying

Spamalot / Day 3 of this fast
« on: February 21, 2015, 12:26:26 PM »
Probably gonna eat tonight. Feels fine this morning.

There is something seriously wrong with my body and I've been to the doctor they are concerned and all, supposed to schedule blood tests and such. Not eating seems like a good idea. lol

I'm kidding, I'm gonna eat tonight. Maybe even have some blueberries or something that sounds really good.

You guys ever fast? Had nothing to do with Lent, just coincided with it.

Spamalot / Rides in on his high horse
« on: February 18, 2015, 06:09:33 PM »
and your valiant knight dismounts within the keep of Spamalot.

General Discussion / A New Kind of Heretic
« on: February 18, 2015, 11:03:19 AM »
Am I a cherished memory?
When my life is laid down before you in judgement,
and all that has been recorded is there for us both to inspect
Can I trust you to judge me proper and true?

I did not ask for this
Some mornings are as bitter as my coffee

I lay there and think
and worry about my sons

my fellow prisoners
perhaps you are a prisoner too.

Spamalot / Would you take even the joy from music?
« on: February 17, 2015, 04:15:40 PM »
Tell me what music is good, what music is bad so I can feel the same things as you.

I want to be you,

YOU, reading this.

I would infect you, and take control of everything as you watched in horror

and I would love myself.

Kendrick Lamar - i (Official Video)

Good song, good song. I really like music. Is music now good or is it just me? lol

Tech Heads / Deleted Chrome, Explorer, and Firefox
« on: February 16, 2015, 12:24:49 PM »
now I can't access the Internet. What do?

Chrome was acting weird setting off Googles  anti-spam stuff asking me to put in the codes all the time so I uninstalled thinking I had Firefox and IE, I don't.

What do?

Spamalot / Lets head south
« on: February 14, 2015, 03:32:20 PM »
87 Southbound - Wayne Hancock

Spamalot / Let's go down Highway 54
« on: February 14, 2015, 02:17:03 PM »
Wayne The Train Hancock & The Honky Tonk Brakemen 10/9/94 -- Highway 54

Spamalot / John Wick
« on: February 13, 2015, 01:15:27 PM »
I had to.

 I actually enjoyed it because I went into it with such terribly low expectations (like Bill and Ted level) and fuck if it wasn't good. This might be a re-post I didn't look.

Searyx did you love it + how come you aren't playing EverQuest. I am forcing myself back into my work, but I will like retreating to Norrath.

General Discussion / hey
« on: February 09, 2015, 01:41:49 PM »
sorry, I know you guys care about me. This isn't easy for me, this whole thing. I am in such a place that the last I don't even know how long its been; I ask myself hundreds of times a day if I'm crazy.

Anyways I hope you guys can imagine what this is like for me, I'm having giant thoughts and feelings and they aren't really subsiding. The analogy that feels correct is a water analogy, what has been happening is like big waves crashing ashore, but the tide of my mind has risen. Instead I'm becoming used to my own reality.

I want to keep coming around but I isolate myself from people, in large part for me, but also because you think my posting is weird?

try being my wife. lol

anyhow i love you guys. I wrote a poem about EverQuest, and Fippy Darkpaw I would like to share. Yogr, I think you would appreciate it, I was flipping out how similar EverQuest is to my conception of the universe.

Title: Killing Time
Medium: Poem

That's what I am doing, I started playing EverQuest again as a retreat.
This is a world I am familiar with, I know the mechanics of this world.
I create alt after alt because I am searching for one that reflects me?

I hide from the outer world in here for now and I know many of you are doing the same thing. Some of you just like old video games, that's cool EverQuest IS cool.

I am currently hiding in blackburrow, and even though the gnolls hate me I know them.
 I understand them, this is simple. I mindlessly grind for levels and platinum, not because I really want any of these things.

I just don't know what else to do with my life sometimes.
I know the drift and general sketch of my life but there is downtime and I retreat to this world.

Comfort gaming I call it.

finger snaps please, finger snaps only.

Title: The Gates of Qeynos
Medium: Poem

I roam the tundra diseased, lost. I don't know my way.

Fippy Fippy Fippy

he does it on every server, he has been doing it since 1999. He has been doing his thing since his inception in the mind of a God. Do you see my meaning?

Even if you shut this down, he does it on every server where Norrath exist.

If you shut down all servers, he still exists in the code, is the potential to do something so different from doing it? Fippy lies still but is easily resurrected. If you destroy the code?

Fippy will do his thing in the reaches of our mind and when we die, then too shall Fippy finally fall?

No unless you could destroy time itself, and history with it could you defeat the warrior spirit that Fippy exhibits.

Spamalot / If you have a soul
« on: February 02, 2015, 01:56:03 PM »
I am sorry,

did you know this life is against my will too? I didn't ask for this,


are you a prisoner in your body like I am in mine?

Do you all stare out at this post from your prison?

General Discussion / Let us channel Varys
« on: February 02, 2015, 01:28:27 PM »
Our leaders are at the whims of the same forces as we are. The world is as a matter of fact.

What do you guys suppose a more focused version of Anonymous would work? Except we're not Anonymous, just mostly Anonymous.

I have been so hesitant to try and be a leader, because if a leader I do become, it is my life that changes the most radically. But there will be a price for us all to pay I think, but not a bad one.

Anyways, Varys -- we play the Game of Thrones

I speak with conviction, and I have a poet's soul. A poet can reach people even when they don't want to be reached, I am also a man of reason. Tell me friends, if we speak the truth can anyone stand before it? Of course they can, but it's harder than you think. You can build a castle of illusions, entire groups of people have done it.

Build a castle of stone with me, I will not return to the primal mud with scarcely a cry.

General Discussion / The Hunt
« on: February 01, 2015, 11:23:17 PM »
It is a ritual of sorts in the sense that all rituals require blood.
It is a higher order ritual,

We have always maintained that what is occurring is not that animals, these wisest of God's Creatures are so dumb as to be caught by us
but rather
they take pity upon us and give themselves up.

That was the world we lived, and the one many of us still live in.
we came into this world abruptly, us who had so much dignity
only to have the nature of dignity exposed for what it is:
a luxury.

Our birth into this new world we came in at the level of dogs
 but like that dystopian pig we demanded a place at the table.
All the rest of the animals are wondering who do we think we are to dine among men?

I do not deserve the rich heritage gifted to me.
I am the ugliest and pettiest of men and only because I know myself so well.
The easiest thing in the world to be a good human being I say
I hardly know what the fucking words even mean sometimes.

But I am blessed, and I have been charged by virtue of birth into this world and Christened Maaruk
by the only people in the world who love me without condition.
They love me and I love them;
our sad little family.
We hobble around life and wonder what happened to us?

Ah but the temple,
our tundra our ocean our prayer.
You go into this and truly give yourself up to God.
A world where you can be the greatest among living things, and the least.

Yeah we knew God alright because he speaks to us continually if we just sit and be quiet.

This is our prayer and the ritual blood is provided,
 the sacrifice to God that the animal is no unwilling participant.

 A gift to us, the most foolish of God's creatures.

Spamalot / To The Warriors
« on: January 31, 2015, 01:12:35 PM »
Technically the only thing I have ever 'completed' was the Marine Corps. As soon as I completed boot camp, I was considered one until I die. I am proud to be considered among these Marines, in the most noble of professions: war.

It's not war itself, war is terrible. It's like a giant meat grinder, you battle around the precipice and if you should fall in, turn and look

The grinder turns itself
 it is the death motions and the struggling that provide the grinding action. The Dance.

It is the arena though, in this arena holy things occur. It is the power transfer that is occurring.

I abstracted my own reality and watched myself as an energy being, shoot energy pellets who followed a tiny little course of great destruction at other energy beings.

Have you ever been shot at? You hear the power when the very air cracks with the velocity. And you become very aware of your meat.

Perhaps I have been reading too much McCarthy but I do know this ritual will meaning nothing without blood, and if this path I choose it will be our blood the world hungers for.

But we, we will be righteous. We have to be, tell me warrior: armored in love and girded with justice who could stand before you?
I know well the decisions that are made, and I do know the terrible Arc of that Pendulum.

This morning I wake up and the first thing I can feel is the terrible sadness that people are waking up to. We keep telling ourselves things are getting better, and they are in so many ways but

I just can't shake it. I know men have always been evil, and I know then evil was truer. We throw around this word evil I think but I know evil --

Evil is within me. I recognize it and I know its source. I follow the path of my ugliness and the paths all lead inward.

But war? Yeah it has always existed.

The ultimate trade awaiting its ultimate practitioner.

Radical love is the only solution, but not every man will allow himself to be loved.

I send you this note friends, I am going to the women. I go to set small pendulums in motions, but they were already are in motion.
They just needed a strong man to give them permission to be right: this world isn't right.

I think on some level men, we know we are worthless. Some in particular, like me we laze around until we are needed. You see there ARE some things men are suited for, you wouldn't hear that from the feminists but they know it. We all know it in our heart of hearts that this existence isn't fair. They are the weaker sex, but they have many strengths.

We submit to their wisdom before any terrible choices are made. Did you know they also know the arc of that pendulum? To protect our children they become experts in physics.

It is easy to goad men into rash actions, but you convince the women and the world you shall watch it turn on an axis that exists only inside them.

I failed. Our lands were taken, our sacred things were smashed and put into museums as a reminder.

Perhaps you have nothing to take. But only you know.

I don't know, I can't sleep because the world ain't right. My only profession is warrior.

Warren she named me, and she always said "because you are my Warrior."

and she was right.

General Discussion / Theory posted to XKCD
« on: January 29, 2015, 06:32:26 PM »
Well, we shall see something, I am afraid I will get smacked down

General Discussion / I am quite mad it seems
« on: January 29, 2015, 05:07:25 PM »
but I ain't crazy. nawmean?

I am in the sole position, measure me and it never says the same thing twice because I am in the sole position.
Elevate organically.

RJD2 - Final Frontier

Spamalot / See cuz it's twisted
« on: January 29, 2015, 01:24:00 PM »
In the future, scientists will prove we never even existed.

Majority Rule

Spamalot / Ziakas
« on: January 29, 2015, 06:57:19 AM »
expert on reading my posts.

General Discussion / The Spirit is Upon Me
« on: January 29, 2015, 05:22:17 AM »
Title: It moves freely
Medium: Post

I lie down next to him, my son my baby boy who I named the Destroyer. He who will not accept the world as it is, it angers him.
Do you know that these moments are sacred? If ever sacred was indeed
I know how sacred this covenant is and we breathe the same air him and I and I remember
I remember being a child, I had no father save the world, and that one is a cruel father.

I know how sacred this existence is and that is not just some fucking bullshit this existence is sacred.
Even the basest human behavior is sacred - the woman who sacrifices her children so we can see the world for how sick it is truly?
All the sacrifices are in vain it seems.

My brother pollocked his room and I
I was stuck in it, I was drawn to it like a moth to flame
the terrible price but gladly paid
twas nothing.

I give because I have it to give, I was raised to be generous. I give to those who don't have and I want to give more.
I have it, I have a lot of love to give and I will find a way to every single one of you.
I will.

In the meantime I keep asking myself what can I do, did you know I modeled the universe in my head? Even if I was wrong it was fucking amazing, I was doing one of the things humans do best I was thinking and being. I feel good and alive. But I just can't abide by the world like it is. You know? I'm not a fucking child, I say with complete honesty I know very personally just how the world works and it is not always nice. even if you insulate yourself from it you can't insulate yourself from it and i know we all know it. listen when i said the important parts were already proven, we know we are all energy, and we all know time is all weird and everything isn't as it seems sometimes. i think even the people who want the universe to be orderly know there is a rowdy element to it, but it is constrained within great order and that can be hard to recognize from the inside.

I don't know, I can't shake the feeling that I'm not the one who is crazy here you know what I mean? Being a good human being isn't that hard, and we have a lot of people who don't even know how to do that. A world full of people, how many of us love ourselves? Yeah I know some of you assholes are too bitter and think life is misery fuck that and fuck you.

It feels this simple to me, radical love. It's a scary thing, and its not a weak thing either. Love is not weak, love is strong. When you love someone sometimes you make them do things they don't want to  you know? So sometimes you have to make yourself do something you don't want to and fucking LOVE yourself.

I can't sleep because I need the world to love itself.

Spamalot / I could get off on Sear's Sig
« on: January 28, 2015, 10:21:02 PM »
legit, who's general avatar/sig do you think would be the hardest to get off too?

by Warren Jones

This is a theoretical framework based on the best of my knowledge, I am self-taught so any errors are mine alone. I attempted to leave the theory ambiguous in spots even where I am almost certain I know the forces at play, in the end all that matters is forces are in fact at play. The basic structure of space fabric is 2-D. Imagine it just as we've always known it:

Images help me a lot, so as I'm talking about this, I want you to use this as the visual representation of what I am talking about. The lines of the fabric are there to show "space" not to represent anything other than the fabric itself. Einstein is there to remind you to be nice to me.

The attributes of this 2-D space-fabric are it has a finite edge and it is composed of basic units, these basic units exist around the planck length and are called Alephs.
Alephs are non-divisible units. Alephs are all the same, but they can take many different expressions. All expressions fall under 2 basic states, ON and OFF.

In the ON state Alephs project Standard Model Particles into --blank space??-- [This part messes with me, space is secondary phenomena, they are projecting from the 2-D field and we at least experience space as real so I don't know]

The OFF state is a "dormant" (I say dormant because it is OFF, but it is composed of dark matter so?) state consisting of at least dark matter.

There are rules that decide whether an Aleph is in the ON state or the OFF state, the rules are a bit muddy but the states like to maintain themselves. I theorize the OFF state is stronger, but the ON state can maintain itself with sufficient ON state units around it.

To give a really simple example imagine the Alephs as light bulbs, when they are ON they project energy in the form of the standard model particles, and in the OFF state the light bulbs go so dark you can't see them but you can detect them through the basic interaction between ON and OFF states. I am positing this interaction is what gives rise to the phenomena known as gravity. Go back to the top image but this time it is Alephs projecting energy into the center created a 3-D hologram that has the attributes of mass and energy.

At this point, those of you who are familiar with the holographic principle recognize it. Initially I called them G units to be funny, and I had not yet learned about the holographic principle. Even when I did, I did not make the connection until I went back to General Relativity and the image of the earth bending spacetime instead looked to me like the earth being projected from the blanket. To paraphrase the Dude, the Holographic Principle really ties this all together.

That is essentially it, but to demonstrate how these Alephs work I am moving into anti-DeSitter space as the concepts are easier to understand in that space. This hyperbolic disc represents the universe at any given moment.

This disc doesn't just represent the state of the universe is currently in, it represents every possible state of the universe. So this disc represents both what we know as the universe, and all probabilities both likely and unlikely frozen in time for us to inspect.

"AdS3 (new)" by Polytope24 - Own work. Licensed under CC BY-SA 3.0 via Wikimedia Commons
Quote from: wikipedia
Three-dimensional anti-de Sitter space is like a stack of hyperbolic disks, each one representing the state of the universe at a given time. The resulting spacetime looks like a solid cylinder.

*note the arrow of time denoting the direction the universe is moving

As the universe moves forward on this timeline, we can only calculate probabilities of physical events in spacetime. The universe exists in a probabilistic state.

The Alephs are always ready to change states, they can do so at any time under the right conditions. This reflects the probabilistic state of the universe.

"The truth about the world, he said, is that anything is possible."

The good judge forgot to mention, that anything isn't probable.

As the events occur in spacetime the wave function they use to model the probabilities collapses into one probability based on the probabilities of it occurring roughly, in the case of the Alephs the probability is ON or OFF. If we go back to the big bang, there were a few big branches in the very beginning that decided what kind of universe we were going to have, and as those few main branches branched off the universe began to demarcate into ON and OFF states. ON/OFF states are constantly interacting with each other, and if they were close enough to one another and form islands of ON states within OFF states (forming the objects we are familiar with like Suns). The universe we live in is very stable, we don't see quantum phenomena occurring all around us like matter blinking in an out existence and the reason for this is quantum entanglement, all Alephs are entangled -- the scenario I just gave is how the Alephs end up with localized phenomena despite the whole universe being quantumly entangled. The hook here, is we are also quantumly entangled to the past and the future --- (been messing around in information theory, the past gets stored somehow. I can remember yesterday it's fucking stored someplace other than my head im sure, although this is one of the places it is stored so....) so the past states of Alephs in large part dictate future states although they are technically able to change their expression "at will" as it were, they do not change expression as a result of being entangled with the past (and the future, which is known to a large extent).

So as time moves along, the quantum state the Aleph was in when time occurred (it is constantly occurring) is "frozen" in a sense because we can't go back to it, yet we are quantumly entangled with it.

I would also like to point out that in this scenario, the OFF states are also expressed but they are expressed dormant meaning they did not get expressed but they are still there. So in these discs that represent every possibility of the universe there are some branches that have never been expressed, they still have the probability to but will likely never see the 'light of day' as it were. They exist though, so no 'many universes' in this theory, only this one we exist in of the greatest current probability. This does not preclude many dimensions, after all if you accept this it seems Euclidean Space is secondary phenomena.

So now that my hubris is fully expressed you may fire at will!

Spamalot / Marilyn Manson
« on: January 27, 2015, 01:59:45 PM »
I spit on him one time.

This is a thread to love or hate him.

Irresponsible Hate Anthem - Marilyn Manson w/lyrics

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