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Messages - Qubhed

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1
Spamalot / Re: cover letters
« on: February 04, 2016, 07:17:13 PM »
I fucking nail interviews. I realize its entirely unfair but I do very very well in office environments because I bullshit like a champ and brighten the lives of otherwise miserable office-dwellers. When I worked for an Israeli shipping line the number 2 of the branch was just an old Israeli ship captain who was in his "pre-retirement" at our location. Basically he would walk around bullshitting with people and I did two things. A) I got him to keep most of his bullshitting with me so others could do their work without that weird fear of being scrutinized and B) I kept this guy super entertained. He fucking loved me. Would always tell me what things meant in Yiddish. After I got laid off he gave me a big hug and offered to write a glowing letter of recommendation for me. I think I could be a really ignorant and undeserving member of upper management at some company if I put in the effort.

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Spamalot / Re: cover letters
« on: February 03, 2016, 03:03:34 AM »
lol was coming to the exact same conclusion as I read it.

3
Spamalot / Re: Broad City
« on: January 26, 2016, 10:28:53 PM »
I saw a few episodes before on my cable's OnDemand but I hadn't seen enough to truly appreciate it. The episode "Wisdom Teeth" made me laugh harder than I have in a while.

4
Spamalot / Broad City
« on: January 26, 2016, 06:46:29 PM »
Highly recommend. Have access to Hulu so I was able to watch both seasons. Really really funny fucking show. Its everything Girls should have been. It can take an episode or two to kind of get their rhythm but its absolutely worth it. A++

5
Yeah I don't think teenagers will be changing their gender designation as flippantly as you seem to believe. Just like the option to be homosexual without being beaten and chemically castrated doesn't turn like 75% of teens into raging super-gays who devour the souls of their devout Christian peers, this isn't going to turn all boys into girls and vice versa. Though given the ratio of boys to girls that naturally exists that kind of problem would probably just balance itself out anyways. Also, like what you spoke condescendingly to Utumno for saying in a way that did not attack you (asshole), its just a self-identification thing. Big fucking whoop. If it was electing to have surgery maybe you'd have something there. You're putting waaaay too much weight behind how a 16 year old views their self and how that will impact their future person. If you made all of your most important decisions about who you are when you were 16 then I'm so very sorry for you (consider the condescension volleyed) but your concern seems more like a veiled lashing out at a concept you're uncomfortable and purposely unfamiliar with.

Edit: Also, another rant to add to the dogpile, (because don't you dare be mean to Utumno, he is the heat that lights my heart [sorry Liz]) I love how your knee-jerk response to Utumno was that he was basing his beliefs solely on his emotions while the OP is basically you saying how this is such a bad thing because of the way you FEEL about it. Could you perhaps pass the irony of that oft-repeated sentiment around at the next Conservative Neo-Birch Society meeting to head off the inevitable Onion article your "misguided" nieces and nephews will post on your Facebook walls? /end rant.

PPS: Wow I didn't realize til now how touchy I get when people are mean to Utumno. I usually don't even respond to these things. Jxands, I understand that guys like Taket and myself will be total assholes and I won't necessarily fault you for being ugly to us but Utumno is a really nice guy (and not in the m'lady sense, either. Like genuinely nice. I bet he doesn't even own a fedora or trilby and probably couldn't even discern the two)

6
General Discussion / Re: Did we already have a Yallqaeda thread?
« on: January 14, 2016, 01:14:04 AM »
Bush was like Reagan. A useful idiot who surrounded himself with staunch ideologues.

7
And what's with the kid just walking up and poking this divine document? Keep your fucking filthy booger-flingers off the damn Constitution. Can't you see that Jesus is fucking presenting it to the world you little shit? This is why Moses was a much better historical religious figure. You think he'd just let some little turd poke at the 10 Commandments? No, because Old Testament dudes don't fuck around. They call for bears to maul children for less than that. Also Fredrick Douglas clearly has no idea what the fuck is going on since they stood him right behind the tall dickhead in the coonskin cap. George Washington, Ben Franklin and black soldier dude are kind of derping and doing the pledge of allegiance out what can only be some kind of knee-jerk reflex despite the fact that the only flag is like a quarter mile behind him. I do like that Tim Allen has a sense of humor about the whole situation even though there's a scary ghost behind him. Really ties the piece together.

8
General Discussion / Re: White Men!
« on: January 11, 2016, 08:08:31 PM »
Spend the next few days shitting into a small cardboard box and then put said box on your porch. If you're friendly with any cartoon rabbits have them spring-load it for affect.

9
Spamalot / Re: Business names
« on: January 04, 2016, 05:41:29 PM »
Dog-Dick/Red Rocket.

But honestly: What's your target demo? What age/socio-economic audience are you trying to appeal to?

10
Spamalot / Re: game looks sick af
« on: December 29, 2015, 06:27:16 PM »
Neckbeard quibble, that move grabbing the sword by its blade looks ludicrously impractical

Yeah I thought the same thing. Neckbeards of a feather ... get oily and stained by Mountain Dew

11
Spamalot / Re: Rapist Manbaby Cop: "fuck this u have sow"
« on: December 17, 2015, 07:15:16 PM »
petition to make agrul's board title SPEED OF WOLF

12
Spamalot / Re: Do you have good instints?
« on: November 17, 2015, 07:45:59 PM »
I killed like four hundred stints and wove a suit from their tiny, broken bird bodies. And then I wrapped myself in a large mesh screen and inserted myself into a blue whale's heart. Now my instints are in stints in a stent.

13
Spamalot / Re: Playing Fallout 4
« on: November 11, 2015, 06:45:55 PM »
I got it for the xbone because I don't know how to upgrade my computer plus I'm kind of broke right now because girlfriends are expensive

14
Spamalot / Playing Fallout 4
« on: November 10, 2015, 11:07:46 PM »

15
General Discussion / Re: The University of Missouri
« on: November 10, 2015, 06:06:58 PM »
Honestly I don't know why everybody is freaking out about this. So a bunch of racist ass shit happens at Missouri, the administration doesn't give a shit so the predominantly black football team strikes to financially hurt the institution that was profiting off of them. No taxation without representation or what have you, right? I don't think it was an outrage that he stepped down or was "forced" to step down. If you rely on a group of people to keep your school afloat don't shit on them. Seems pretty simple. I honestly hear far far far more people freaking out about "SJW's" then I see actual "SJW's" doing anything. Oh some stupid freshmen kids at a college said stupid shit? Oh no, its the end of the fucking world, everybody better whine about it about this egregious erosion of your rights to be an asshole over every mainstream media outlet. White men did this in the 80's, too. Freaking out about disco and shit. Calm the fuck down, already. There's enough of this shit on Reddit, I don't want to see it here at one of the few bastions of fucking rationality left on my internets. Its fucking annoying. Stopping before I go on a full, proper rant here.

16
Spamalot / Re: I shouldn't
« on: November 08, 2015, 06:16:31 PM »
I've been playing blue again pretty hot and heavy. Come play with us


17
General Discussion / Re: He did it
« on: October 28, 2015, 05:45:28 PM »
Is it impressive because you didn't have an nes? Common knowledge like konami code.

I had a NES. I'm a retro gaming turbonerd who played virtually every NES game in existence (even the shitty ones like Friday the 13th and Silver Surfer).

neckbeard seppuku may be in order

Even with cheat codes Silver Surfer was fucking hard as hell. What were they thinking? Also what the fuck was the objective in Uncanny X-Men other than going from cell to cell fighting the villains from Centipede? Also I never got past the very first stage of Bart Vs. The Space Mutants. Fuck the NES sometimes, really.

PS: Taket likely learned about the downhill thing from that xcdc or whatever comic like I did.

18
Spamalot / Re: wigged out today
« on: October 28, 2015, 05:43:09 PM »

19
Spamalot / Re: i hate someecards but....
« on: October 22, 2015, 05:03:59 PM »
Could be worse- you could be one of those pretentious hipster snobs who pretends like you don't live in a society where this shit is inundated into every facet of media. I remember when I was a kid I went through a stupid, snobby phase where I listened to only classical music and one time the DJ was talking about a piece which came from "Star Wars: Return of the Jetty" and I was just like c'mon dude, don't pretend you don't know how Jedi is pronounced like you're so erudite and above this shit. It doesn't make you sound intellectual, it makes you sound like an asshole.

21
General Discussion / Re: Boob size ?s
« on: September 28, 2015, 05:38:01 PM »

22
Spamalot / Re: Hey Daums
« on: September 21, 2015, 05:42:37 PM »
Every now and then we'll get a driver apply for a job only to fail his piss test because his piss was like 200 degrees. Happens way way more often than you'd think.

23
General Discussion / Re: Lol Texas
« on: September 17, 2015, 03:09:21 AM »
Ugh, its just stupid following stupid right now in Texas.

We have a local ice cream brand called Blue Bell that's made here in Texas. Not sure if its distributed nationally, so you may not have heard of it. Recently their plants got shut down because of Listeria outbreak. Apparently dozens of people got sick and like three people died over the course of three years. The company knew about this and felt they were shielded from any potential lawsuits so they seriously gave zero fucks about poisoning their customers. The FDA had to literally come in and shut them down for a few months while they isolated and fixed the problem. Texan's response to this ice cream coming back on the market? Buy every fucking drop of it at every location like a bunch of fucking morons. This company didn't give a fuck if they killed you or not, but you have to have a fierce fucking loyalty to it because its made here in Texas.

Also here in Houston some black dude killed a police officer. The black dude had a long history of being fucking crazy and there's no real proof he was politically motivated but that didn't stop every local news anchor or radio DJ in the Houston area from fully and completely condemning the Black Lives Matter movement for "going too far". There were all kinds of rallys and marches for this slain cop simply because they are framing it as some black vs white struggle. Cops have been killed before and nobody gave a shit but suddenly because they can demonize a movement they've been ignoring up until this point they're all fired up. Its maddening.

Ok rant over.

25
General Discussion / Re: Utumno: A Serious Skars Suggestion
« on: September 10, 2015, 08:18:18 PM »
We need more subforums. I want a Qubforum where my first act is to not allow any posts to exist in the Qubforum. Stat.

26
You guys :smitten:

27
Spamalot / Re: This is just to say,
« on: August 27, 2015, 06:09:57 PM »

28
Yeah for the brief time I was on Chemistry.com I would get matched up with these beautiful women (but not as beautiful as my girlfriend[please don't kill me]) who would talk to me for a little bit and then their profiles would magically disappear. I'm pretty sure most dating websites in general are way out of balance in terms of male to female ratio so they do whatever they can to keep those dudes on the hook and shelling out money.

29
Spamalot / Re: Closet Renovations
« on: August 17, 2015, 09:19:01 PM »
He is pretty hilarious and it doesn't bother me anymore. If anything its made me stronger. It tickles me when grown ass people are squeamish about the thought of their parents boning.

30
Spamalot / Re: Closet Renovations
« on: August 17, 2015, 05:31:24 PM »
I got kind of desensitized to the idea of my parents having sex because my dad is a tremendous asshole. Sex was never a taboo topic in our household. I got "the talk" in great great detail when I was like 8 years old when I asked him if I had to stick my dick in the girl's butt and if it was gay if my dick touched her dick. I walked onto that recess playground like a fucking wizard answering other kid's questions accurately and in great description. Playboys became an open staple in our house (I half think he wanted to have the talk specifically so he didn't have to go to the trouble of hiding his Playboys) I think I was like maybe 12 when I innocently made an off-hand "yo mamma" joke in response to something my dad said. "Oh?" he replied with that twinkle in his eye "Do you want to know about YO mamma?" I cringed hard. "Yo mamma was slobbering on my cock and took a big steaming load in her mouth that dribbled down her chin and all over her tits." From that day forward my Dad gleefully took great enjoyment at graphically telling me all the disgusting sexual things they did. Still to this day he'll fuck with me about it. All because of one Yo Mamma joke. My dad is an asshole.

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