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Messages - Qubhed

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1
Spamalot / Re: Gen X movies
« on: May 13, 2016, 12:20:53 AM »
Tarantino characters can be kind of boring sometimes but one of my all time favorite characters is Budd from Kill Bill 2. He comes off as this redneck simpleton but there's so much depth to his character that they only hint at. First of all he strikes me as a man living in penance for his sins. And not just because of his dialogue with Bill. He's one of the best trained assassins in the world and yet he lives in a shithole trailer in the middle of the El Paso desert (the same city where they attacked the Bride mind you) He works an incredibly humiliating job for a douchebag and his condescending staff. If he wanted to he could butcher every single person working there, torch the place and march off into the sunset never to be seen again, but he doesn't. Instead he seems to go out of his way to antagonize his employer in such a cavalier way and get himself some free time after knowing the Bride was after him. He likely wants to die. Maybe that's why he stays in El Paso. Hoping that one day she'll wake up and he'll be the first person she kills. But she doesn't. When he realizes that she's finally come for him he sets up in his chair and is the only single member of the Assassin Squad to actually down the Bride. But then he does something interesting. Instead of killing her outright he puts her in his cowboy boots (a boot mind you he HAD to have known had a knife in it) and buries her alive with a flashlight. Now he must have gone through the same training under Pai Mei as the others. He probably punched those same wooden boards thousands upon thousands of times. He had to have known that if she was strong enough she could escape her fate. And she was the strongest of them. He was stalling. What does he do then? Well he offers to sell her Hanzai sword to Elle. He even tells her where the Bride is buried, exact tombstone and everything. All part of his master plan. He obviously doesn't need the money. If he did he wouldn't maintain the awful lifestyle he was in in the first place. No, I posit that instead he was wanting to lure Elle out. He knew that unlike the others she would hide from the Bride for as long as she could and possibly find a way to ambush her instead. He knew Elle was going to kill him. THe look of amused surprise on his face when he opens the suitcase and it actually has cash in it is very telling. But he had safeguards. In every possible scenario he would get the justice he felt needed to be served. He probably knew she would try to take credit for the Bride's murder (and she did) and he probably knew that Bill would have exhumed the body for confirmation. Once he found Budd's boots on the bride he would know that Elle was lying about her and Budd's death and kill Elle. Or he could stall Elle until the Bride frees herself and kills Elle herself. Worst case scenario she buys the sword with no funny business and he walks away with a million dollars. Worst case scenario.

2
Spamalot / Re: My Girlfriend Pt. 2
« on: May 12, 2016, 11:56:49 PM »
attempt to convince people u have a girlfriend

Totally do! And she does sex to me like all the time. Here's a picture we took today:


3
Spamalot / Re: Gen X movies
« on: May 12, 2016, 07:43:32 PM »
Oh my god thank you. I remember being a kid and thinking "this will never look as foreign to me as shit from the 70's does" but here we are. Hell even that 2000ish era fashion looks really strange only a decade later.

I had a friend who was obsessed with Fight Club and missed the meaning by more than a mile. Even searched for and purchased Brad Pitt's super expensive wardrobe in the film. I remember the Halloween after the Dark Knight came out he was so moody and broody because he spent all this time and money on a Joker costume only to be somehow surprised to see like a million other people with the same costume, most of which spent a fraction of the time on it. THat's why I always like to go dressed as a recently dead celebrity- you're likely not going to see somebody in the same costume and if you do- bam, lifelong friend.

4
Spamalot / Gen X movies
« on: May 12, 2016, 06:55:55 PM »
Really have not aged well. Saw the trailer for Trainspotting again. That whole monologue, "Choose a car, choose a job with insurance benefits, choose a nice apartment and a big screen TV" Its like you should be so lucky you little shit. So many movies from that era are some whiny little middle class white guy bitching that his life is too good but he wants to "follow his dreams" Like fuck your dreams man, I'm barely keeping my head above water.

Its a thing I kind of like/dislike about Fight Club. Its almost genius how people misunderstand that movie at all these different layers. At the most shallow layer were the guys who launched their own "Fight Clubs" because they thought a bunch of dudes beating the shit out of each other in an unregulated environment with no professionals on hand was a good idea. Then you had the Gen X psuedointellectuals who shaved their heads and rebelled against consumerism, mimicking the directionless cult followers they didn't even realize we're mocked by the movie itself. THen you just have cynical assholes like myself who talk about the other two groups with a smug sense of superiority that take themselves too seriously but are just as easily mockable and lack the self awareness and balls to really dig into themselves. Bunch of dicks, the whole lot of us.

5
Spamalot / My Girlfriend Pt. 2
« on: May 12, 2016, 02:52:43 AM »
You only clicked for pics, didn't you? I spent like an hour on that stupid NFL post and it got like a third of the views as the thread titled "My Girlfriend"

You guys should be ashamed of yourselves.

6
Spamalot / Re: My Girlfriend
« on: May 12, 2016, 02:18:14 AM »
32, like me. Also Knitting I sent that picture of her to you in confidence and it really disappoints me that you would so flippantly post it like this.

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Spamalot / Re: Excuse me is this the posting forum?
« on: May 11, 2016, 11:54:29 PM »
Oh I'm so sorry, it is, but its the never stop posting forum

8
Spamalot / My Girlfriend
« on: May 11, 2016, 02:54:37 AM »
When I asked her what I should choose as my second topic she responded with something about somebody named Blac Chyna and her new baby with one Rob Kardashian so for this thread I would like thoughtfully stroke my neckbeard and make our topic: Girls: Why do they like such awful things? She likes me as well but that's not really helping her case much.

9
Spamalot / NFL Team Breakdown
« on: May 11, 2016, 02:52:13 AM »
So whenever anybody asks me about which football team I think is going to win any particular game I always think to myself: Who would win in a fight between their mascots? Now for years this was hands down the Jets but with the invention of the Titans this throws a wrench into the machinery. Titans were powerful demi-gods or something like that in Greek mythology. However, this is also the only mascot that is fictional. Here are my rankings and you should bet all of your money accordingly. I like to assume the baddest ass incarnation of any particular mascot when I'm assessing their weaknesses and strengths. I will list them according to a NFL picture thing that my Dad has hanging in my office.

Chargers: Alright to start off with this one is kind of abstract. I mean when I think of a charger I'm thinking like a cell phone charger but their picture is a lightning bolt so maybe they're supposed to be electricity. This puts them pretty high on the list I guess but I'm not necessarily sure if I can fairly count them as more than one single lightning bolt. People have survived being struck by lightning. Hell even without proper medical care I'm sure a few animals have survived being struck by lightning. Not 100% sure where to power rank them but I'll go with 7/10

Bengals: Alright, motherfucking tigers dude. I would say even though they are animals and some of our mascots have guns, in the right environment they could still sneak up on a motherfucker and tear their shit up. Power ranking: A+

Steelers: So I'm assuming a laborer in the steel industry. Going to rank this one kind of low since its just some dude with maybe some kind of heavy tool. It could still beat the shit out of some of the pussier mascots (including the Packer- but barely) Power ranking: Nuh uh

Texans: Well this one is confusing because the name is Texans but the mascot is a fucking bull. A bull is kind of scary if you're lets say a Steeler or a fucking Sea Hawk but not so bad for most others. If you want to take it the other direction you've got a fat guy with a large arsenal of firearms and poor reasoning abilities working in the now failing oil industry so that's kind of dangerous. He has a firepower superiority over most of the things on this list but also the slow reaction time and lack of an ability to even jog faster than walking speed for more then 15 seconds so you could just encircle him and he's down for the count. Power ranking: Congestive Heart Failure

The Ravens: Alright, I'm not going to give this one the credit of Brandon Lee. I'm sorry. Its a fucking bird. A lot of teams go with fucking birds for some reason and although this is a smart ass bird credited with fucking up Japanese transit and shit its still just a bird. Power ranking: Nevermore

Patriots: Flintlock muskets and maybe a cannon. Basically if he can land a blow on the first shot he's golden but his rifle might also blow up in his hand disfiguring him and something like a Raven could just wait for gangrene to set in and win with patience. I would still rank him higher than the birds and laborers and most of the animals that aren't the Bengals or the Bears. However he is fighting for our freedoms so I will grant him the power ranking of 'Murica.

Titans: I already pretty much covered this. I'm trying not to be biased since I grew up in Houston and remember when their sucky asses cried and left our city when they were the Oilers. I'd rank them pretty high but again, they're the only fictional creature on this list because apparently Bud Adams didn't get the "Football Team Naming Schemes" memo the NFL sent out and apparently Nashville Tennessee has absolutely nothing worth celebrating so fuck them. Power ranking: Nerds

Bills: A buffalo- possibly a con artist. They're powerful creatures so they could definitely beat the shit out of a ram or a fucking bird but would get absolutely historically destroyed by the Cowboys. Power ranking: Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo

Dolphins: Ugh, stupid fucking dolphins? Was the owner looking at his awful wife's tramp stamp when searching for inspiration on what to name their team? I would put them over stupid birds but little else unless there was a mascot that was a menstruating tourist. Power ranking: Ecco

Jaguars: Here we go, finally another team named after something badass. I would rank them below bears and bengals but competitive or better than most everything else. Power ranking: 2/5ths a Matt Damon

Browns: Alright this one is pretty abstract. Are they literally just the color brown. Had to google this one and apparently it was reluctantly named after the team's owner so I can only imagine their mascot to be a mid-20th century business man. Not putting it high on the list for that reason. Power ranking: Capitalism

Chiefs: Would fair pretty decently against the Bisons and the Bears and could give the Cowboys a run for their money but I really only have them ranked somewhat in the middle among the humans. They're stronger than the laborers but lack the firepower of the paleskins. There's historical presidence for them kicking Viking's asses, too. Extra points for being about Native Americans without being blatantly racist about it. Power ranking: Whew, glad were not those other guys

Raiders: Pirates. One of two pirate themed teams. Would put them at a stalemate with the Buccs. They're the only team whose fans might actually stab you so I rank them fairly high on the human list. I think they could take the Chiefs and the Vikings but I put them on a technological level with the Patriots so later gen humans could probably kill them. Power ranking: scurvy

Broncos: Horses. Unless the opposing team is a bunch of middle school aged girls with boy band posters on their walls they're not really going to do much harm. I rank them higher than the birds, of course, but only higher than the rams as far as animals go. Power ranking: Hymen busting

Jets: Undefeated champions of football. I'm not much of a football fan but I can only assume they absolutely dominate each and every season without fail. Power ranking: 9/11

Falcons: Ranked high amongst the birds. I'm going to put them above the sea hawks because wtf is a sea hawk and why does it look like Toucan Sam? Power ranking: Ununseeable bird attack erection

Saints: So even if you're not a Catholic and think they don't have magical powers they are actually people who existed. Probably pacifist holy rollers. I would actually rank them pretty low on the human list since they would probably welcome the opportunity to be martyred even by members of the packing industry. Hell I would even rank them lower than the birds since they'd probably want to be friends and talk about Jesus with them. Perhaps the weakest team in the NFL. Power ranking:  :rolleyes:

Sea Hawks: I mean I guess they're not so bad. They could definitely take a cardinal but I feel like an Eagle or Falcon would fuck their shit up. Power ranking:

Redskins: Power ranking: Ugh, really?

Panthers: Pretty badass, I would rank them as stalemates with the jaguars. I would do them more justice but I'm pretty far into this list and eager to wrap things the fuck up. Power ranking: Peter Sellers

Packers: Really? I would rank these only above Saints in terms of power rankings. Maybe they could take a cardinal out, I dunno. Power ranking: menial labor

Giants: Fuck, I didn't realize at first there were two fictional creatures on this list. This is the motherfucking wild card. If GoT is a good indicator these guys could probably fuck up most of the things on this list save for the Titans or Jets. I hereby rank them third. Power ranking: Wun Wun

Buccaneers: Went over this with the Raiders I think but I'm not sure what technically defines a "raider" and the distinction between it and a "buccaneer" Power ranking: Wait how much is that corn?

Lions: I would put them pretty high up on the animal list. I think a Bengal or Grizzly might fuck them up but they could probably take out a panther or jaguar. Maybe, I dunno, feel free to make this thread awesome and debate the finer points of imaginary animal fights. Power ranking: Detroit

Cardinals: Man they really drew the short straw when picking their team name. Were all the good names taken and they were left drafting the fat kid onto their proverbial kickball team? Its easily the wussiest of all the birds even if they try to give it those pointed angry eyes. Power ranking: N/A

Vikings: I believe they would do better than all of the laborers on this list but worse than all the other fighter types. Power ranking: Norse by Norsewest.

Cowboys: I think these guys would do fairly well amongst the humans. Could definitely take the Patriots just by superior fire power. Could be defeated by industrial gentrification and lung cancer. Power ranking: Sunset Riders

Rams: Easily the weakest of all of the animals unless the fight takes place on the sheer face of a mountainside, then I would still put my money on one of the larger birds if the Discovery channel is to be trusted. Power ranking: Hemi

49ers: So this one is a little abstract but its those who rushed to California in 1849 due to the discovery of gold. At best you have some settler dude the likes of which you might see on Deadwood, at worst you have a cartoon panhandler. Power ranking:

Eagles: I would put these guys at the highest echelon of the birds list but at the end of the day they're still just fucking birds. Power ranking: birdman

Bears: Pretty savage animal. If this wasn't at the bottom of my list I would probably go into greater detail about how awesome they are. GOing to assume Kodiak Grizzly or Polar in its most badass form which gives even some of the armed humans a run for their money. Power ranking: George Wendt.

There you go, an unbiased report on the best and brightest football teams. Hopefully I will come up with better ideas for my next threads and won't be forced to do basketball or baseball (the lol of sports)

10
General Discussion / Re: Graph of what kills Americans
« on: May 10, 2016, 10:17:42 PM »
The Others kills 100% of Americans. Why hasn't President Obummer declared war on the Others? Why are we protecting the Others? Vote Jon Snow and make Westeros Great Again.

11
Spamalot / Re: low effort post
« on: May 10, 2016, 01:20:32 AM »
That's going to be an irresistible madlib for petty vandalism.

12
Spamalot / Re: Two Threads a Day
« on: May 10, 2016, 12:28:57 AM »
Yeah my fellow Daums, don't you want to feed starving children your big dicks?

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Spamalot / Two Threads a Day
« on: May 10, 2016, 12:05:20 AM »
Because you're not the boss of me, me.

14
Spamalot / Would You Rather
« on: May 09, 2016, 10:08:17 PM »
Have wings or a tail? If you have wings you'll bones will be hollow and you'll have to keep a trim figure in order to fly well. The tail will support your weight and even be able to lift your body up. Which do you go with?

15
Spamalot / Re: I never should have commited to a thread a day
« on: May 09, 2016, 09:58:41 PM »
No I haven't but I like Will Arnett.

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Spamalot / Re: I never should have commited to a thread a day
« on: May 09, 2016, 02:54:48 AM »
I can't say I'm not guilty of that. One of my ideas I know I will never write is a dark comedy historical fiction rock opera about Nikola Tesla and Mark Twain joining forces with a young, deadpan H.P. Lovecraft to stop Thomas Edison and his death cult from summoning Chtulu into our world. I'm never going to write this and I'm not even remotely musically inclined but for some damn reason I can't not see it as a rock opera.

17
Spamalot / Re: I never should have commited to a thread a day
« on: May 09, 2016, 01:30:18 AM »
If you enjoyed 30 Rock then you'll enjoy Kimmy Schmidt.

18
Spamalot / I never should have commited to a thread a day
« on: May 08, 2016, 11:03:45 PM »
For all my blustering I don't really have anything to say. I'm getting frustrated trying to world-build this show that I'm working on. I can't even write a page unless I know what I'm building to. I think I may have bitten off more than I can chew but I can't back down now that I've started. I feel I'm really suffering from a lack of education. Basically the whole show is going to be me subtly bitching about how much I hate the world and how little control we really have over our lives. Its very cynical but tragedy and comedy are intertwined and that's the clay I'm working with. My lead character is Sisyphus, the man who made fools of the gods and was made to suffer a tedious existence as a result. Been researching Camus in creating my protagonist. I want to build a very strong ensemble cast, though. Characters that not only really fit with a great chemistry but also represent different aspects of humanity (I think, I'm not really solid on their roles in the mythology yet) but quite frankly I'm not nearly as smart as I thought I was and I didn't even bank on myself being very intelligent to begin with. All I have right now are a few very detailed characters and a world in which they inhabit.

In other news Kimmy Schmidt Season 2 was really good. Included a character kind of similar to one I want to incorporate into my show but not so similar that I'm going to abandon it or even tweak it considerably. I still feel its very different. The Netflix show Love was surprisingly good and I've been meaning to do a write up on it but I was kind of wanting to rewatch it first. Maybe I feel that way because it fooled the hell out of me. Going into it it looked like the cliche "artsy pussy dude who needs a push and the manic pixie dream woman that pushes him" trope because it kind of leads you to think so and then slaps you in the face with a kind of reality. It even makes fun of some of its own seemingly bad writing (the dude and his friends sing made up "closing credits" songs for movies and it just seemed super lame and unbelievable and then towards the end of the season Gillian Jacobs even calls it out for being as phony and awful as it is). The main characters are really detestable in a great way. They even call out the manic-pixie trope a couple of times. Even the final romantic comedy moment of the first season was the male character doing something kind of despicable for despicable reasons even if it seems kind of saccharin sweet on the surface. It was really really good writing disguised as bad writing and I found it very very intriguing. I'm looking forward to more of it whenever that happens. If you haven't seen it I recommend it but try to keep an open mind that its more aware of itself than it seems.

19
Spamalot / Re: Politically Correct
« on: May 08, 2016, 10:44:56 PM »
You're right, I phrased it all wrong but you get what I mean.

20
General Discussion / Re: Sand Marble Race 500 feet
« on: May 08, 2016, 06:46:58 PM »

21
Spamalot / Re: Brainstorm Sesh
« on: May 07, 2016, 05:12:08 AM »
I would be Noroma

22
Spamalot / Re: Songs you're listening to RIGHT NOW
« on: May 07, 2016, 04:01:04 AM »

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Spamalot / Brainstorm Sesh
« on: May 06, 2016, 01:23:39 AM »
So I need your help with something I'm writing on guys. I'm basically trying to create a mythology from scratch. What are some forces, big and/or small that shape our life that are out of our control? I'm talking things as big as war/economy/politics and as small/petty as traffic. Mostly need help with the petty stuff I think.

25
Spamalot / Politically Correct
« on: May 06, 2016, 01:21:10 AM »
Is a phrase older than me that I find so fucking annoying. It assumes two things: 1) That the statement in question is actually factually correct but 2) politically inconvenient. Most times however, its neither. Discuss.

26
Spamalot / Re: Hope your okay qub
« on: May 05, 2016, 10:27:58 PM »
I've been thinking about doing a "Thread a Day" as a writing exercise since my girlfriend is prodding me into writing again (mostly because she's sick of hearing me constantly talk about my dream project that I haven't written much of) so maybe I should do that. I can't really post on Friday and Saturday nights, though because I generally have those off and I hate typing on tiny phone keyboards.

27
Spamalot / Re: Hope your okay qub
« on: May 05, 2016, 12:27:18 AM »
Yeah, kind of near where I live but nowhere near where I work. I'm perfectly fine. Didn't even know about this until I went into work. But thanks for all the love guys  :smitten: :smitten:

A friend of mine did know one of the guys who was shot, though =(

28
Spamalot / Re: Songs You Hate
« on: April 27, 2016, 06:21:31 PM »
Foo Fighters were what introduced me into rock and I still kind of hold them in high regard for "The Colour and the Shape" album although I will admit all of their music sounds exactly the same so its not necessarily a band I still follow.

29
Spamalot / Songs You Hate
« on: April 25, 2016, 09:26:23 PM »


Inspired by the "Songs You're Listening To" thread I decided to strike out on my own and just make an altered copy of it and pass it off as my own fresh material, as is the American way. I begin with "Don't Take the Girl" a 90's hit from Tim McGraw that made me want to stab hot knitting needles into my ears as a child. For the longest time in Houston, Texas this song was completely inescapable. To sum it up the crux of the song is its stupid title, beginning as a young boy prepared to go on a fishing trip with his father. When a little girl shows up with a fishing pole he pleads with his father to bring one of his many friends that were apparently named by Stan Lee along instead. The father remains steadfast in his decision, replying that one day his son will be plowing her so that its in his best interest. Thus the first meaning to the phrase "Don't Take the Girl" Fast forward a decade and the father's prophecy has come to pass as his son is plowing this chick. He's making out with her right in front of a movie theatre like the tacky shitdick he is when some dude pulls a gun on them. Instead of just giving this dude his shit and moving on he utters the second iteration of "Don't Take the Girl" for some strange reason putting the thought of kidnapping his love into the mind of his attacker. Finally five years later his wife is in labor in the hospital, but she isn't going to make it. He begs God to take all this other crap instead (I couldn't will myself to listen this far into the song for my write up so this is where it starts getting lazy) but God  in his infinite wisdom ignores his cries making the third iteration of "Don't Take the Girl" the exact same as the second one because Tim McGraw is even lazier than I am. Finally at the end of the song he's about to take his own young son fishing when a young girl shows up, thus tieing up the premise of the song and damning his child to the same cycle of love and loss that has apparently been wrought through the McGraw family since the beginning of time.

I was originally going to do Achy Breaky Heart because its the only song I hate more than "Don't Take the Girl" but I felt everybody was familiar enough with it to groan at its mere mention and it didn't require a write up. Plus I will not force myself to listen to it again for you guys. I love you guys but I am incapable of loving anybody enough to subject myself to that. Plus if the person I loved loved me back they wouldn't make me so it all wraps up in a neat little bow of "fuck you I'm not listening to that song willingly"

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Spamalot / Re: Daredevil Season 2
« on: March 28, 2016, 10:35:46 PM »
Yeah generally Hollywood completely fails the Punisher because there's always this push for a female love interest and pathos so Punisher goes from psychopathic bad guy who slaughters bad guys to watered down anti-hero. So far this is my favorite rendition of the Punisher (although I still want to make a Punisher trilogy of movies). Looks like they were testing the waters of him getting his own stand-alone show after this, too. I enjoyed Jessica Jones. I think mostly because it has one of the scariest villains with a really terrifying concept. JJ kind of stretches unnecessarily in the middle but is really solid and I very much enjoyed it. I also have two episodes of this season of Daredevil left. Also, funniest thing about Daredevil is how it will seamlessly go from really solid writing to really shitty writing back and forth without warning. I hate Foggy and holy shit Karen stop giving everybody "I'm helpless and want to fuck you" eyes before doing something useless and stupid because it gets really confusing.

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