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Messages - Qubhed

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General Discussion / Re: Boob size ?s
« on: September 28, 2015, 05:38:01 PM »

Spamalot / Re: Hey Daums
« on: September 21, 2015, 05:42:37 PM »
Every now and then we'll get a driver apply for a job only to fail his piss test because his piss was like 200 degrees. Happens way way more often than you'd think.

General Discussion / Re: Lol Texas
« on: September 17, 2015, 03:09:21 AM »
Ugh, its just stupid following stupid right now in Texas.

We have a local ice cream brand called Blue Bell that's made here in Texas. Not sure if its distributed nationally, so you may not have heard of it. Recently their plants got shut down because of Listeria outbreak. Apparently dozens of people got sick and like three people died over the course of three years. The company knew about this and felt they were shielded from any potential lawsuits so they seriously gave zero fucks about poisoning their customers. The FDA had to literally come in and shut them down for a few months while they isolated and fixed the problem. Texan's response to this ice cream coming back on the market? Buy every fucking drop of it at every location like a bunch of fucking morons. This company didn't give a fuck if they killed you or not, but you have to have a fierce fucking loyalty to it because its made here in Texas.

Also here in Houston some black dude killed a police officer. The black dude had a long history of being fucking crazy and there's no real proof he was politically motivated but that didn't stop every local news anchor or radio DJ in the Houston area from fully and completely condemning the Black Lives Matter movement for "going too far". There were all kinds of rallys and marches for this slain cop simply because they are framing it as some black vs white struggle. Cops have been killed before and nobody gave a shit but suddenly because they can demonize a movement they've been ignoring up until this point they're all fired up. Its maddening.

Ok rant over.

General Discussion / Re: Utumno: A Serious Skars Suggestion
« on: September 10, 2015, 08:18:18 PM »
We need more subforums. I want a Qubforum where my first act is to not allow any posts to exist in the Qubforum. Stat.

You guys :smitten:

Spamalot / Re: This is just to say,
« on: August 27, 2015, 06:09:57 PM »

Yeah for the brief time I was on I would get matched up with these beautiful women (but not as beautiful as my girlfriend[please don't kill me]) who would talk to me for a little bit and then their profiles would magically disappear. I'm pretty sure most dating websites in general are way out of balance in terms of male to female ratio so they do whatever they can to keep those dudes on the hook and shelling out money.

Spamalot / Re: Closet Renovations
« on: August 17, 2015, 09:19:01 PM »
He is pretty hilarious and it doesn't bother me anymore. If anything its made me stronger. It tickles me when grown ass people are squeamish about the thought of their parents boning.

Spamalot / Re: Closet Renovations
« on: August 17, 2015, 05:31:24 PM »
I got kind of desensitized to the idea of my parents having sex because my dad is a tremendous asshole. Sex was never a taboo topic in our household. I got "the talk" in great great detail when I was like 8 years old when I asked him if I had to stick my dick in the girl's butt and if it was gay if my dick touched her dick. I walked onto that recess playground like a fucking wizard answering other kid's questions accurately and in great description. Playboys became an open staple in our house (I half think he wanted to have the talk specifically so he didn't have to go to the trouble of hiding his Playboys) I think I was like maybe 12 when I innocently made an off-hand "yo mamma" joke in response to something my dad said. "Oh?" he replied with that twinkle in his eye "Do you want to know about YO mamma?" I cringed hard. "Yo mamma was slobbering on my cock and took a big steaming load in her mouth that dribbled down her chin and all over her tits." From that day forward my Dad gleefully took great enjoyment at graphically telling me all the disgusting sexual things they did. Still to this day he'll fuck with me about it. All because of one Yo Mamma joke. My dad is an asshole.

Spamalot / Re: This cant be real v. 2 -- extremely unrealer edition
« on: August 17, 2015, 05:24:32 PM »
Its going to be like playing a tambourine with a drumstick.

Spamalot / Re: This cant be real
« on: August 17, 2015, 05:23:46 PM »
I remember when I think Seary posted our link on 4chan and the collective 4chan community visited the board and replied "Meh"

Spamalot / Re: This cant be real v. 2 -- extremely unrealer edition
« on: August 16, 2015, 06:34:58 PM »
That's right. We all get to bang you before she does.

Spamalot / Re: pretend this thread is a twitter of impulse thoughts
« on: August 03, 2015, 05:31:27 PM »
I was watching episodes of Norm MacDonald's little internet show on YouTube when he did a testimonial for Jack Links beef jerky. There was a link up for it and it was and because there was nobody around and YouTube videos can't hear me I'm telling you guys the joke that occured to me. "Not to be confused with which is a very different webpage, despite all of the pictures of people with dark, hard meat in their mouths."

That is all. Thank you for your time.

Spamalot / Re: pretend this thread is a twitter of impulse thoughts
« on: July 30, 2015, 06:01:37 PM »
It's Florida. You're already swimming when you step outside.

Spamalot / Re: pretend this thread is a twitter of impulse thoughts
« on: July 30, 2015, 02:10:32 AM »
Because they can afford fancy things like fur catheters and gilded colostomy bags?

Spamalot / Re: pretend this thread is a twitter of impulse thoughts
« on: July 29, 2015, 11:30:06 PM »
You know when you wake up like ten minutes before your alarm goes off and you think "Oh, I'll just sleep ten more minutes" but then you have to pee so you get up and its a couple of minutes later and you're pretty much awake? Fuck when that happens. Would it really be that weird if people wore diapers to bed to pee in voluntarily? I don't want my children or my children's children to have to wait to be an old man to do that without judgement.

Spamalot / Re: pretend this thread is a twitter of impulse thoughts
« on: July 29, 2015, 05:23:57 PM »
I couldn't figure out how to open a bag of dog food so I watched a video on it. I felt so dumb afterwards. I still feel dumb, but I used to, too. Also I miss Mitch Hedberg.

General Discussion / Re: yes I'm alive and not addicted to drugs
« on: July 25, 2015, 02:32:41 PM »

How goes the muckraking? My suggestion: use a shovel or something. It's muck, it has a liquid quality to it, don't use something with forks. I have no idea what papers do.

Spamalot / Re: Little person
« on: July 21, 2015, 05:49:05 PM »
Dwarves have innate magic resistance and high starting stamina. Plus the chicks have thick beards and thick everything else. Why would you want to be anything else?

Spamalot / Re: Little person
« on: July 20, 2015, 07:20:40 PM »
Yeah, I've honestly felt the same way. "Little person" sounds so fucking condescending. Its what you call a mature child, not a fully grown adult.

Spamalot / Re: Gotta poop
« on: July 19, 2015, 10:56:01 PM »
I have to admit I do take rather effeminate poops

Spamalot / Re: Gotta poop
« on: July 19, 2015, 10:40:59 PM »
Well I woke up a half hour ago and since I can't leave this place I have to order pizza. So I wake up, take an adderall, order pizza, poop starts a'brewin, wait for pizza to release the dogs of war. Its by no means an efficient system, especially after nearly four years, but it works.

Spamalot / Re: Gotta poop
« on: July 19, 2015, 10:32:42 PM »
Screenshot for proof. Well I was but apparently the file is too big.  :cool:

Spamalot / Re: Gotta poop
« on: July 19, 2015, 10:26:22 PM »
Poop sliding out of my butt as I press post. Now you have a pretty accurate timestamp give or take a few seconds for server delay. A poopstamp if you will. Also Tucc's post was accurate minus the beard and add fifty pounds. Concluding this post so I can finally release the Kraken

Spamalot / Gotta poop
« on: July 19, 2015, 10:06:47 PM »
But the pizza guy could be here any minute

General Discussion / Re: Johnny Depp visits a children's hospital
« on: July 14, 2015, 05:58:11 PM »
Yeah I always want to hate Johnny Depp because he's like the decrepit ghost of an ancient hipster and he wears fedoras but apparently he keeps his Jack Sparrow costume with him when he's travelling and visits children's hospitals all the time so that makes it a little harder.

General Discussion / Re: people i'm kinda worried about
« on: July 13, 2015, 05:54:03 PM »
Oh Utumno I know I'm not supposed to admit this but I love you so much. You genuinely seem like a really awesome dude. (Are you single?) Anyways, I'm doing fine. I'm in a much better place than I was when I made my big melodramatic suicide threat like a 13 year old girl banned from shopping at Hot Topic by her parents. I even have a girlfriend and she's an actual human being and not a very expensive doll I purchased from the internet.

Spamalot / Re: im going to poopsock borderlands 2
« on: July 12, 2015, 09:08:20 PM »
I only played the first Borderlands but I played it on XBOX. At the time I had no internet so I had to play it alone, too :( I would be totes willing to pick up this game for PC if I could rely on people to play with.

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