« on: October 21, 2014, 05:27:58 PM »
Honestly I'm starting to understand why Knitting gets so snippy all the time. You guys take little facts I dispense when I'm feeling especially self-loathing and fill in the rest with your imaginations. I am making efforts to better my life but I'm trying to be realistic. Life isn't a movie. I can't just pick up and move across the country on a whim because when I get to wherever I'm supposed to be going I'll need a place to live and somewhere to work. All I have is a high school education and a little over a decade of experience in the trucking industry and there aren't necessarily a lot of people begging for that, especially in this economy. I have to do this carefully. I can't just sign up for college because I'm not a bright guy and there's no reason for me to take 60k+ worth of debt on for a liberal arts degree. Right now I'm working on my comedy because that's the thing I'm best at that could be the most lucrative for me, I guess. Pretty much the only thing I have going for me. But its difficult. I am in no way some exceptional little snowflake. I'm not very athletic, I'm not very smart, I'm not very handsome and I'm not always particularly charming. A lot of times I'm kind of an anti-social hermit.
I know I need to lose weight. Working out isn't easy for me because I don't have a lot of time away from the office so I need to mostly work on my diet. Running/Jogging is hard because I have a bone spur in my heel. Need to figure out some kind of equipmentless workout situation here at work. I've also been super depressed and having a hard time finding motivation to things. Its all pretty daunting from my perspective at the base.
Lux can't magically fix my life. Nobody can improve my lot in life but me. And no offense to Lux but what he has going isn't necessarily what I want. I don't need to slay a bunch of chicks I pick up at bars/clubs. I know the Game stuff isn't so much to teach me how to be social but how to gain self-confidence. That's my biggest block. Nobody hates me more than I hate me. But I don't want to bullshit it. I want to have self esteem because I've earned self esteem not because I just convince myself I'm the greatest to bullshit through life.
Now I don't want to seem like an entirely ungrateful little shit. I am genuinely thankful for you guys' concern in this. You're all mostly right on where I need to be but very lacking in details in how I'm supposed to actually reach that point.
Also sorry I didn't address everything. I came back to read a whole bunch of stuff and got a little overwhelmed/frazzled so I made this post in response.