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Messages - Qubhed

Pages: [1] 2 3 4 5 6 ... 288
1
Spamalot / Re: Unbreakable
« on: November 30, 2016, 03:59:10 PM »
It definitely would have made a better television series. Also lol at how nowadays if you want a piece of work that's deep and meaningful with great writing and character development you're best bet is a TV series while if you want something silly and disposable its best for a movie. Funny little flip in maybe the last couple of decades. Not sure where the line would be drawn.

2
Spamalot / Re: Unbreakable
« on: November 29, 2016, 11:48:26 AM »
Yes and Bill Murray would have been better than Bruce Willis. Fact.

3
Spamalot / Unbreakable
« on: November 29, 2016, 10:24:50 AM »
Was a really good movie. I just felt that needed to be said.

4
Spamalot / MLB Power Rankings
« on: November 27, 2016, 03:01:15 PM »
So inspired by a fucking 72 hour shift at work with greasy hair and greasier balls I decided to tackle the MLB power rankings. I immediately regret it and hated it so much that I had to finish it and share it with you guys because fuck you guys and your having of weekends. Begin my copy and paste:

I chose the MLB because the NBA has like a million fucking teams so I'm going to be lazy and do that one later and just half ass this one for now. From a cursory glance baseball is fucking weird in its naming schemes.

Three of the fucking teams are fucking socks. And again there are fucking birds. If some of the images don't work, I don't care. I picked them all up at the same time so whatever.

Starting in the order that Google presents them to me:

Cubs: Alright, first carnivorous animal contender but they went with a baby bear. I can't imagine a baby bear really fucking all that much shit up. Power ranking:



Blue Jays: Fucking christ with these fucking birds. So a fucking blue jay. I rank it above foot underwear and pretty much nothing else. There aren't even any fucking cool birds at first glance so I'm just designating a bin for all of the birds to go fuck themselves in. Power ranking:



Dodgers: What exactly is a fucking Dodger? We getting all Dickens and going Artful Dodger on this shit? Wikipedia claims its because of trolleys replacing horse drawn carriages in Brooklyn because of course that's what it means. Baseball is so fucking antiquated, this is a national disgrace. Alright so I'm guessing you don't really have to be in too great of shape to dodge a fucking trolley since they have fucking bells and shit which is perfect for baseball. Power ranking:



Indians: Alright, first actual fucking contender and since baseball team names are fucking terrible these guys are pretty high up on the list despite being mid ranged in the NFL. I'd put them below the Giants (the only truly respectable name on this list) and the Rangers/Tigers but that's about it. Power ranking:



Yankees: Yeesh, alright. So at its best I'm thinking like Bill the Butcher from Gangs of New York which is pretty fucking terrifying but at its worst its just some random shlub mid-Western American. I'm going to have to put this one below the Indians. Power ranking:



Red Sox: So we begin in our series of foot clothing mascots. I mean what the shit Boston. I suppose I would rank Red Sox below White Sox because who the fuck wants to wear red sox unless you're going as Sexy Mrs. Santa for Halloween. Power ranking:

Fuck you, Ethan

Giants: Alright, now we're talking. Pretty much the only badass in the MLB I can only assume they dominate the sport unopposed every single fucking year. Power ranking:



Mets: God damnit baseball, you don't make this easy for me. So Mets is short for metropolitans which if you've ever read Superman proves they're pretty fucking useless. So basically some city dwelling guy who probably has little to no combat experience. I'd rank him above one of the many awful, weakling bird mascots but that's about it. Anybody else would wipe the floor with this douchebag. Power ranking:



Cardinals: Great, so best case scenario were talking about some high up Catholic but realistically its another fucking bird. And not a tough bird like a fucking eagle but a little red bitch ass bird that eats seeds and small insects. Inconvienently none of the mascots are little insects or seeds (which is almost surprising considering MLB mascots) I'd put these little bird fucks above fucking light footwear but in the same trash bin as the other birds. Power ranking: None, I'm not giving them the dignity of a picture

Tigers: Alright, now we're fucking talking. I would rank this number two behind the Giants. Power ranking:



Rangers: So we're talking the shittiest class in EQ or a bunch of Texas cops with no real, clear job description. Either way fuck them, I'm putting them behind all the other humans even if they have that Norris asshole working for them. No, especially because they have Chucky boy working for them. Suck it. Power ranking:



Orioles: Because there aren't enough useless birds on the list they decided to go hipster and add some fucking obscure bird nobody gives a shit about. Even their mascot looks like he was recycled from ice cream packages and knows he can't be taken seriously as any kind of threat. I'm putting his ass at the bottom of the bird rankings but I respect his honesty. Power ranking:



Royals: So basically as far as humans go these guys are probably the very worst. Basically useless, inbred dudes in fancy clothes. I almost want to throw them in with the birds. Power ranking:



Braves: At least its a human that can fuck some shit up. I honestly don't know the historical distinction of a brave versus a regular "Indian" but I can only assume its way more badass. Going to put them at like rank three. Power ranking:



Mariners: So fucking sailors. Ok. I can't put them high up on the human rankings because they sit on a boat and scrub things. Big fucking whoop. They're not city slickers or royals so I guess I'll have to put them somewhere around the middle. Power ranking:



Nationals: Ok baseball. They're members of a nation, woo hoo. They used to be the Expos I guess so at least they're not flashers anymore. Power ranking:



Astros: Ok so this my hometown team so I probably hate them even more because of getting dragged to boring ass baseball games as a kid. Seriously like four hours of guys standing around is an awful thing to take your children to unless you're punishing them for something truly awful they've done. So what the fuck exactly is an Astro? Is it an astronaught itself? As far as I know astronaughts don't recieve any special combat training and it would be hard enough to fight in that giant suit so they're not looking all that great in the human section. Power ranking:



Angels: Ok we've all seen Angels in the Outfield and how God himself couldn't make the dad take credit for spawning Joseph Gordon Levitt (probably because he somehow felt the ominous prescence of 500 days of Summer on the dark horizon spawning numerous hipster neckbeards) Honestly angels just don't seem that terrifying to me except for Christopher Walken in that one movie so I'm throwing them in the human category and putting them just below anybody that can fight. Power ranking:



Marlins: Well at least its not a bird. And if you're going to make your mascot a fucking fish it might as well be a scary fish with a sword for a nose that stabs fat old fisherman. Definitely above the birds but below all the humans. Power ranking:



Pirates: Alright, pretty high on the human ranking. Definitely above the Mariners. You know those guys got to be pissed that they just got owned like that. They're basically Pirates' bitches as a rule. Have to put them pretty high on the human category, just below the Native Americans.  Power ranking:



Phillies: Oh baseball. So basically their mascot is the denizen of the city of Philadelphia. Everything I know about Philadelphia I've gathered from Its Always Sunny in Philadelphia and that one verse of the Fresh Prince of Belair theme song so I'm not going to rank this one too high on the list. Power ranking:



Twins: God damnit baseball, I'm already regretting this fucking list and you come at me with this? Twins? Its either a fetish or a Nazi experiment on awry in South America. Going to rank this pretty low. Power ranking:



Reds: Great, another fucking team named after footwear. Its like baseball teams wanted to draw attention to the fact that their players have little dainty lady legs because they don't play a real fucking sport. These guys are red stockings which I already used in a power ranking but who cares. They don't get a picture because of this.

Padres: So they're Spanish fathers. Fucking baseball keeps serving up mediocrity like its their family business. Power ranking: The very first image for Spanish Father I got:



Brewers: What the fuck is up with sports teams and naming their teams after boring ass professions. Great, so a guy that smells like somebody pissed on loaf of month old bread. Wonderful. Going to rank this just above the Royals because who gives a shit. Power ranking:



Athletics: Yeesh even football did this. At least its a human profession at least somewhat relevant to baseball. An athlete. Would rank them above your normal laborer but that's about it. Their fucking mascot is an elephant with a bat proving they even know how lame their name is, revealing a self awareness lost on most baseball teams. Power ranking: Picture Not Found

Rockies: At first glance the majesty of the Rocky Mountains sounds pretty powerful. That is until you realize that the Rocky Mountains just fucking sit there doing nothing all day. So its appropriate for baseball. Literally enough birds could probably chip away at the Rockies so I'm going with the surprising move of ranking them dead last. I can't even think of any cool Rocky volcanos except in fucking Washington and that's like one fucking volcano which was the subject of a movie starring Pierce Brosnan so credit denied. Power ranking:



White Sox: Fuck you, baseball. Power ranking:



Diamondbacks: Alright, now we're cooking. Its something actually fucking dangerous and scary. This is going to rank it pretty high on the scale. Definitely above the birds and most of the humans, but beneath cool ass shit like Tigers and Giants. Power ranking:



Rays: Finally at the end of this fucking list. I'm tempted to dismiss rays as overrated sea blankies but they did what most creatures couldn't and that's kill Steve Irwin. Power ranking:


5
General Discussion / Re: Westworld [spoilers inside]
« on: November 15, 2016, 07:21:35 AM »
maybe he was either listening in through Hector in the room

The hosts log all sexual encounters. That's how Elisse was able to blackmail that butcher into giving her access to ol' head-rock-smash guy. Ford was able to watch that whole conversation.

6
I used to be the obnoxious, brooding little shit reading Nietzsche in high school that pretended to totally and fully understand it. I have an old spiral notebook with my "philosophies" that I look at whenever I feel critical of today's youth need a little humility to remind myself that kids have been stupid forever.

7
General Discussion / Re: Yogr + Chemosh 4 lyfe
« on: November 02, 2016, 07:15:29 PM »
You guys look like you could be brothers who were both molested by the same uncle who clearly had an Addam's family fetish of some kind

8
Spamalot / Re: describe ur dick w/ everquest terms
« on: November 02, 2016, 07:13:11 PM »
So my first instinct was to be like "Nah, no way" Harper because I am very vain so I looked at mine first to see if I had a claim. I still think Knuckle Dusters was a decent stab (but not as good as Loner but that was my second stab and was mostly nut hanging on inspiration acquired from Buhbuh's post) but it wasn't even top 3. I relent. I then wanted to think that somebody else had something better and there were some really good ones. I carefully evaluated all of the contenders and have to concede that yes, yours was the best even if it almost seems the most obvious in hindsight(I reserve the right to still be a petty, smug dick about it). It both conveyed a penis that was small and thin, but also unused while still bringing the "yuck" factor of moss- implying some kind of miraculously non-sexually transmitted sexually transmitted disease. You do clearly win this thread. So far. I mean we're only on page two but somebody would have to do some pretty intense research of allakhazam in order to find a contender which I don't think anybody will do. I thought about it but then noped right out. So yeah, you win. I hope you feel good about yourself

9
Spamalot / Re: describe knitting's dick w/ everquest terms
« on: November 02, 2016, 07:01:47 PM »

10
Spamalot / Re: describe ur dick w/ everquest terms
« on: November 01, 2016, 05:05:45 PM »
If we're doing pet names- Loner.

11
Spamalot / Re: describe ur dick w/ everquest terms
« on: October 08, 2016, 04:43:51 PM »
Knuckle Dusters

12
Spamalot / Re: Describe the last vagina yout saw
« on: October 06, 2016, 09:21:50 PM »

13
Spamalot / Re: Describe ur last fart using a movie title
« on: October 06, 2016, 05:10:25 PM »
PS: There Will Be Blood is the instant thread winner so let's get that one out of the way to get some longevity out of this thread. Also "Which movie title describes your sex life" is instantly won with "Three Men and a Baby" if any of you ever find yourselves playing that game in the future.

14
Spamalot / Re: Describe ur last fart using a movie title
« on: October 06, 2016, 04:41:26 PM »
Mud

15
General Discussion / Re: RIP Gene Wilder
« on: September 01, 2016, 12:55:57 AM »
I hear on the set of The Royal Tenenbaums he called Wes Anderson a cunt.

16
General Discussion / Re: Stunt dude unicycles on giant chimney
« on: August 31, 2016, 09:47:20 PM »
I feel like getting to the top of that chimney was probably more dangerous than what he did up there. Those walls were like four feet thick and completely wasted on the only form of transportation that I'm sure was invented solely as a joke. That man and his bandanna hat should feel nothing but shame for this accomplishment.

17
General Discussion / Re: Lightning bolt
« on: August 31, 2016, 07:16:44 PM »
Thought this thread would be about LARPers =(


18
Spamalot / Re: Got back from Aspen Saturday
« on: August 25, 2016, 09:43:43 PM »
There aren't minorities out there so maybe. Saw one black dude who was dressed like Colorado Carlton but that's it. We went to a little night club called Belly Up and saw some chick named Grace Potter dance around like an epileptic while singing boring songs we were unfamiliar with which just confirmed Aspen hadn't really fully discovered minorities yet. It was weird town, like some kind of rich, conservative Austin/Portland theme with an obsession over silver mining. Like ten random people talked to me about Aspen's history as a silver mining town and I have no idea why they cared so much or thought I would care. Also ended up leaving that concert and walking home but like a third of the way I felt a rumbling in the jungle and knew explosive diarrhea was coming but somehow by the grace of Innoruuk I managed to make it the like one and a half mile walk up hill without shitting my pants. If anybody ever asks me what my proudest accomplishment is I'm going to have to make something up.

19
Spamalot / Re: Got back from Aspen Saturday
« on: August 25, 2016, 05:25:58 PM »
Who hurt you?

20
Spamalot / Re: Got back from Aspen Saturday
« on: August 25, 2016, 02:41:18 AM »
1. Pic taken near Cyrodiil when we accidentally walked into an artist's painting and had to fight a troll
4. Aspen might as well just be Skyrim

21
Spamalot / Re: i got married
« on: August 23, 2016, 10:46:28 PM »
Grats Mr and Mrs Asauregg

22
Spamalot / Got back from Aspen Saturday
« on: August 23, 2016, 05:23:53 PM »
Crazy to see how the other side lives. I'll post pics once I get them from my gf. Stayed at her dad's place up there. As a fat guy: fuck mountains. Seriously.

23
Spamalot / Re: Hooked up my SNES
« on: August 23, 2016, 05:21:39 PM »
Best part about block fort was filling the bottom level with green shells bouncing around like crazy so if anybody fell in there they were doomed.

24
General Discussion / Re: Dfw folks
« on: August 08, 2016, 05:47:07 PM »
tucc is married?

Yeah dude.  1 year anniversary coming up soon.  Our families don't know that we're married though.  We will be holding our real "wedding" after she graduates next year.

Well they're going to get suspicious when you pick her up for prom, don't you think?

25
Spamalot / Re: 2010
« on: June 29, 2016, 06:52:33 PM »
I lost one of my apartment mailboxes this way. The only real piece of mail I had been receiving was a monthly Comcast bill whose price I could predict. One day I went to check it and it was empty with one of those "new tenant" forms inside. I was too embarrassed to fill out the same information again so I just went without mail for like six months. Ended up with like 200 dollars in credit to Comcast because I had been slightly overpaying.

26
I've worked in trucking going on like 16 years now and I don't know the first thing about driving a truck- including how to drive stick.

27
Spamalot / Re: TzT is actually dead?
« on: June 19, 2016, 11:38:33 AM »


Five guys, seven dolls, one cell phone belt clip.

28
General Discussion / Re: Game of Thrones S6 [Spoilers]
« on: June 16, 2016, 07:20:48 PM »
Cersei has to have something up her sleeve.  If this season rids us of her and Ramsey, who is going to be the new bad guy?  Someone has to step up, and I don't see Ramsey making it out this year.

Also, I am super annoyed with Tyrion this season.  He masterfully ran King's Landing, but he is making horrible choices with Mereen.  I can't imagine Dany is going to be happy with what he's done.  He effectively went against her wishes, brought in an unauthorized religion, and made a horrible assumption about the masters that ended up with him in a virtually indefensible position.  He just comes across as clueless.  It could be part of his arc... he gets Westoros, but not Essos, maybe? I dunno, but I am not enjoying it.

On the first point I'm thinking Euron will be our next big villain. I was reading a write up about how there's been three big villains representing different aspects of war or what have you. First was Tywin who was a very political evil, than Ramsey who was a very human evil and next will be Euron representing a supernatural evil.

On the second point I don't think he fucked up too badly. They didn't have the resources to mount attacks on the other two cities AND hold Mereen so they would have just dwindled what little they have until they were exhausted and finally defeated. Ask Sparta about that when they conquered Greece. After they were overthrown they were basically just a giant joke. This invasion was inevitable but he managed to buy Mereen some time to get its shit together and get the people united. That would help a great deal in a siege type position. However with Dany back and the Ironborn on the way I don't think its going to be a very long lived siege.

Little worried about Bastard Bowl. I think Jon will look crushed before the Knights of the Vale swoop in and save the day. Ramsay is being stupid meeting them in the field like Roose said which will give a huuuuge advantage to the armored calvary sweeping in and laying waste. Littlefinger will definitely use the situation to his advantage with his army stationed there and will basically force Sansa to be his puppet. Her machinations from that point forward are the wildcard.

29
General Discussion / Re: Game of Thrones S6 [Spoilers]
« on: June 13, 2016, 04:31:48 AM »
A little pet theory I've been sitting on for a while has become a little more possible. Its funny, if Cersei does indeed blow up King's Landing then its reasonable to believe that the ancient Targaryen stronghold, Dragonstone, might become the new capital of Westeros. Stannis constantly insisted that the only way for him to seize the throne was to always be taking action, however if he had just bided his time after the Blackwater and never went to the North then as the events unfolded he would not only be the only remaining heir but he would already being holding the new seat of power. Davos fucked his shit up =/ Hell if he never even rebelled at all he might have become king if something else killed Renly.

30
Spamalot / Re: IT'S TIME TO SLAY THE DRAGON
« on: June 12, 2016, 07:37:11 PM »
Shouldn't it be "Never say never except when you're clarifying when to say never"?

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