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Messages - Qubhed

Pages: [1] 2 3 4 5 6 ... 283
1
Spamalot / Re: why call them implants
« on: March 23, 2015, 06:51:35 PM »
If its artificial calves they should call them gamplants.

If its an artificial bladder sphincter it should be called damnplants.

If its an artificial vagina being installed they should call it ma'amplants

If its a pop infusion of George Michael and Andrew Ridgeley they should call them Whamplants

If its an adopted child they should call them famplants.

2
Teenagers are the very dumbest human beings imaginable.

3
Spamalot / Re: KILL UTUMNO
« on: March 15, 2015, 03:36:55 PM »
Happy B-Day Oldtumno

4
Spamalot / Re: Travis and any other Dallas or PHI Daums.
« on: March 03, 2015, 09:15:53 PM »
If I'm ever forced to live there I'm going to wear a little blond wig and bring Denzel Washington with me.

5
General Discussion / Re: Yep, I'm very close to quitting my job
« on: March 03, 2015, 05:44:20 PM »

6
Spamalot / Re: Travis and any other Dallas or PHI Daums.
« on: March 01, 2015, 08:48:11 PM »
Im backpacking around Mexico

Have a fun kidnapping.

A Norwegian friend of mine actually lived in Mexico City for a little bit. His little sister and two dumb-as-fuck white boys defied security's orders and drove around looking for clubs in their daddy's Mercedes Benz. While she was very fortunately in the bathroom some gangsters straight up came into the club and kidnapped the two boys and made them shit and piss themselves for like a week while tied up in some basement somewhere. Teenagers are literally the stupidest people imaginable.

I just wanted an excuse to tell that story.

7
Spamalot / Re: I will have the last post on this thread.
« on: February 28, 2015, 08:38:26 AM »
Stalkers gonna stalk. You know who you are.

8
General Discussion / Re: Zek! Hows it hanging!
« on: February 22, 2015, 09:12:02 PM »
That's a nice post count you got there fellow.

9
General Discussion / Re: dear everyone who wants to fight a 'holy war'
« on: February 22, 2015, 09:11:16 PM »
If there's ever an ass war in this country I'm just going to pick fly and ride jizzable near Goldie Hawn the entire time.

10
General Discussion / Re: dear everyone who wants to fight a 'holy war'
« on: February 22, 2015, 08:46:52 PM »
If there's ever a class war in this country I'm just going to pick spy and hide invisible near the spawn the entire time.

11
Spamalot / Re: Burger King gave me a burger made out of 2 bottom buns
« on: February 18, 2015, 06:00:24 PM »
It had a little mustard on it. Oh god I hope that was mustard.

12
Spamalot / Re: Burger King gave me a burger made out of 2 bottom buns
« on: February 18, 2015, 05:41:35 PM »
One time when I was eating at Burger King at a food court in the mall I made my friend laugh so hard that he shot a pickle slice out of his nose. That's a real thing that can happen apparently. And its awful.

13
General Discussion / Re: John Stewart leaves The Daily Show
« on: February 13, 2015, 09:16:54 PM »
I've watched Comedy Central religiously since I was a teenager. The very moment I discovered there was an entire network devoted purely to comedy I was sold. That was back when it was the "Absolutely Fabulous" channel, too.

14
General Discussion / Re: John Stewart leaves The Daily Show
« on: February 11, 2015, 05:39:11 PM »
Yeah Stewart's Daily Show didn't really reach its stride until Indecision 2000.

15
General Discussion / Re: John Stewart leaves The Daily Show
« on: February 11, 2015, 03:41:22 AM »


Craig Kilborn aka the guy who left the Daily Show to be the douchebag boyfriend from Old School. He may have actually left because he got to be the host of the Late Late Show because that one old guy who's name I can't remember died.

16
General Discussion / Re: John Stewart leaves The Daily Show
« on: February 11, 2015, 03:00:16 AM »
I've been watching since Kilborn like the dirty hipster I am. I remember when Kilborn was first stepping down and Jon Stewart was going to replace him and my first thought was: "Welp, it was fun while it lasted" Had no idea how incredibly wrong I was.

17
Spamalot / Re: Murderpartment
« on: February 10, 2015, 12:50:19 AM »
Sea Dog- This is Katy which is a suburb of Houston. Fucking ridiculous rates out here.

Bailon - They didn't have to disclose it apparently because they didn't, lol. Texas.

18
Spamalot / Murderpartment
« on: February 09, 2015, 08:40:51 PM »
So my lease was coming up at the end of December. They wanted to raise my rent up to $950 a month which I kind of balked at. It was kind of a shitty complex that had multiple shootings and muggings. I'm pretty sure some guy was looking to mug me once but I became aware too early so he backed off. Just a shitty place and other, nicer places in the area were only a little more expensive. So first I looked online and found a variety of apartment complexes.

My sister even let me know about the complex she moved into. Really swank place. Only like three or four years old. They had attached garages that led directly into your apartment which is great because I don't like acknowledging the existence of my neighbors. I checked out their website and noticed that I could get a really nice apartment like this, on the first floor, and only pay about $50 bucks more a month than what I was going to at my current place. I noticed that there was a ground floor apartment which was like $40 cheaper than the two other second floor apartments they had available so I was eager to scoop that up. What a deal, right?

So I call ahead and talk to some lady in the office. She is very eager that I come out and look at the place so instead of sleeping I did just that. Honestly, I was already kind of sold and so we did the little tour they always like to do. First stop: "the business center." And, of course, my sister is in there using one of their computers like the little bum she is. We greet and she decides to join us on the tour. We go to the crappy little gym and past the pool to a little golf cart. We make awkward small talk on the way to the apartment and one of the questions she asks is: "So, why were you wanting to move?" "Well, there's only so many times you can come home to a crime scene," I joke. Then she lets out one of the most awkward little laughs I've ever heard and stammers out something like "Well you know anything can happen anywhere heh heh heh heh"

Was a little odd. Not much of a selling point when you've got a nice place like this but whatever, I let it slide. She's right, anything can happen anywhere. So we get to the place. Its fucking awesome. Freshly painted with a nice gray paint, hardwood floors in all but the bedroom. Even really nice, modern fixtures and like a wine glass holder and other classy things I'd never use for their legitimate purposes. I'm starting to think this is kind of a steal so I'm getting pretty excited. On my way back my sister quickly interjects, "Oh hey, my brother has never visited my apartment, is it cool if we swing by real quick?" The lady agrees and we make the stop.

My sister opens her garage and shows me the roominess of it and unlocks her door. She's still talking about the place when we step inside but as soon as the door closes behind me she turns and excitedly interjects, "Soooo, that place you're looking at? Yeah, there was kind of a murder-suicide there." Apparently, from what I have gathered, some guy had lived in the place for like two years and was a nice, cheerful sort. Then one day he moved in his new girlfriend and three days later they were both dead. People think it was the woman but I don't know for sure. What I do know is that one of them killed the other, threw the deadbolts and then killed theirself. The neighbors complained about the smell but maintenance couldn't get in because of the deadbolts and so they festered in there for about a month until the police were called to bust down the door or what have you. So they had to basically gut and remodel the place. It seems like they used it as a model apartment since then. Even got a free bowl and a couple of wine glasses.

So of course I moved in. Was a fucking steal. People keep asking me if I'm worried about ghosts. Honestly, I would feel bad for any ghosts- all they would have to haunt is some fat guy in his boxers eating cheese sticks and playing with himself. You can't really scare a guy like that. And hell if there's some kind of curse on the place at least I know I'll at least get a girlfriend for like three weeks which isn't really all that bad of a trade-off when you think about it.

19
Spamalot / Re: Songs you're listening to RIGHT NOW
« on: January 22, 2015, 09:04:32 PM »
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3GAIkESrQr0

20
Spamalot / Re: Serial podcast
« on: January 11, 2015, 07:55:34 PM »
Been following it. The case isn't as interesting as everything surrounding the case. I'm fairly sure Adnan did it (unless Jay did it and somehow managed to convince the cops to pin it on Adnan), but what was most interesting/disturbing was just the overall corruption and laziness of the justice system. The police obviously massaged the fuck out of Jay's involvement in exchange for his testimony and basically coached him through his entire story. Also he was convicted on so little and a lot of the evidence used against him was so poorly understood at the time. Its mostly a very scary indictment on how flawed the legal system can be.

21
I'm 0 - 1 in my TZT flame wars but it should be good practice.

22
Spamalot / Re: of all the dumb assholes
« on: November 12, 2014, 09:42:56 PM »
It wasn't trolling or a joke.

23
Lol. Well since the gloves are off the very last person I would need "mentoring" me is some super insecure 30 year old dude chasing bar skanks for validation like you're on some kind of std scavenger hunt. I only name dropped you because I knew you'd go on a huge, angry tirade and reveal all of your projections. And you did not disappoint. You're not mad at me you're mad at the ghost of Luxmess past. If somebody talked to you when you were down the way you talked to me you'd flip your shits. You have in the past. You don't give any shits yet you produced the largest, angriest walls of text. And it wasn't a joke and I avoided the site because I was embarassed and wanted to avoid the problem. I make no bullshit about being a loser but at least I have no delusions that I have it all figured out. Take all your butt hurt and go fuck yourself with it. In the butt. Like some kind of Terminator timeline of being a shit head.

24
Spamalot / Re: of all the dumb assholes
« on: November 12, 2014, 06:14:18 AM »
I didn't call or text anybody. Spent the night hanging out with my best friend's wife. Sorry dude, I can get pretty avoidant in these kinds of situations. I generally try to ignore my feelings until they go away. I've just been having whiney episodes lately.

25
Spamalot / Re: of all the dumb assholes
« on: November 11, 2014, 06:51:45 PM »
No the worst that happens is I starve and die or become homeless because this is the real world where if you up and move halfway across the country you still need money to pay for food/shelter. So I need like more attractive job skills or something but that takes time and knowledge of what those even are.

26
Spamalot / Re: of all the dumb assholes
« on: November 11, 2014, 06:40:49 PM »
For fuck's sake. I got mobbed by people I know in real life so it became impossible to do anything without people I know becoming eye witnesses. I hope you guys didnt contact every fucking person on my facebook because talking to family members just makes me crave death more. Already got asked by my aunt if her son could have my couch if Im not using it anymore. How many people were contacted? Also I have pot so hopefully the cops dont come check on me. Sorry to get you assholes stirred up. Next time I just wont make an attention whoring announcement. I'd type more but I'm doing it with an Iphone 4 and its super frustrating with my sausage like fingers. Thanks for the consideration while I played cry-baby douchebag. PS my sister didnt give any fucks I think. Lol family.

27
Spamalot / Re: Got A Week's Vacation
« on: November 10, 2014, 07:47:57 PM »
After a lot of contemplation I've decided to purchase a gun tomorrow and kill myself with it. Lux is right I'm just a pathetic loser and Im really sick and tired of being alive as it is. Im saying all this to ensure I cant chicken out. Too late to buy a gun today but I need to keep this momentum going. Going to get really high and drunk tonight and go to the store when it opens. Theres a lot you guys don't know about before anybody starts squawking.  Anyways thats all I needed to do: ensure I cant chicken out. Bye

28
Spamalot / Re: Got A Week's Vacation
« on: November 10, 2014, 06:52:56 AM »
I didn't knowingly drop you. Who were you? Also I'm waiting for one to go on sale at the life store. All the DIYers drone on about never paying full price for one.

29
Spamalot / Re: Got A Week's Vacation
« on: November 10, 2014, 01:21:22 AM »
Lol was fishing for suggestions Tony Robbins. Also a Facebook friendship is a sacred trust. You've seen six year old photos of me, we're practically kin.

30
Spamalot / Got A Week's Vacation
« on: November 09, 2014, 07:37:26 PM »
Will probably spend it in my apartment.

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