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Messages - Qubhedberry the Droll

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Spamalot / Re: been a year
« on: July 30, 2014, 05:13:40 PM »
When I was young our neighbor's wife was a mail carrier. She had thick, bronze skin and calves like softballs. Also had a huge, hairy vagina but I don't think that had anything to do with delivering mail.

I know I'm an old man because now when I smoke I'm concerned about efficiency. I remember a girl in high school bragging about her and her friends putting together like $500 to buy a pound of hydro and they threw it in a campfire they were around. I still hope she was lying about that.

Spamalot / Re: DMX rides a Bungee slingshot ride.
« on: July 29, 2014, 09:50:11 PM »
I kind of want this calendar.

Spamalot / Re: Taket pls confirm/deny this yuppieness
« on: July 29, 2014, 09:26:05 PM »
You don't tip servants.
tell that to the illegitimate children of white southern politicians everywhere

Bah, before I could do my Jefferson joke!

I read some of it because who gives a fuck about Star Wars and this shit is super fake and probably just somebody's fanfic that somebody mistook for a leaked script. I mean the real story could be exactly that dumb but reading that would be like somebody spoiling when your dog is going to take a dump on your carpet.

Spamalot / Re: I love Weird Al
« on: July 25, 2014, 05:25:52 PM »
Dare To Be Stupid was the first album I ever bought. The second was Will Smith's "Getting Jiggy With It" album so that might not be the best endorsement.

Spamalot / Re: meet behind sears
« on: July 25, 2014, 03:22:12 PM »
Every time searyx barbecues

Meat behind Sears

I was hoping to go more of a 70's porn route with that one but a pornographic cooking show sounds awesome in theory.

Spamalot / Re: meet behind sears
« on: July 24, 2014, 08:38:00 PM »
Meat behind Searyx

Also I do my "Oh God Bill" impression whenever I have friends that are taking too long to do something and they still have no idea what I'm talking about.

Spamalot / Re: ATTN: To one Seņor Philip Le'Agrul
« on: July 22, 2014, 05:50:06 PM »
Probably fucked up by the studio. They do that kind of shit all the time. Like for instance, in the Matrix humans were strapped into the Matrix to act as processors, not batteries. One of the biggest, dumbest plot points that's been picked over and made fun of a billion times only exists because studios didn't think people would understand processors. Maybe they were right but its still dumb and only the people who know what processors are would care either way.

So wait you can play Secret of Mana online with other people? Is it three-player? That sounds fucking awesome.

Spamalot / Re: Court was uneventful
« on: July 22, 2014, 05:46:34 PM »
I feel like if I ever hung out with Knitting it would just be the two of us on separate computers playing different games and only occasionally communicating to each other over ICQ. We'd remember the experience fondly.

General Discretion / Re: that's one busted looking foot
« on: July 22, 2014, 05:06:57 PM »
I don't understand how people can have foot fetishes.

Spamalot / Re: do you refrigerate bagels after you open them
« on: July 21, 2014, 05:28:52 PM »
I thought you weren't supposed to refrigerate bread because it made it go bad quicker?

Spamalot / Re: Songs in my head when I wake up
« on: July 18, 2014, 07:37:08 PM »
I didn't think too much of the Yeah Yeah Yeahs until Pandora bombarded me with them after I made a Pixies station. Was very pleasantly surprised by how much I liked their songs.

Spamalot / Re: ohohhhh
« on: July 17, 2014, 06:42:50 PM »
I usually don't post in these kinds of threads because I have a nervous habit of responding to tragedy with jokes which is very inappropriate. I'm some random dude but I'm sorry that you have to bear that burden. Its a really shitty burden that nobody deserves.

Well I'm sure you're bluffing, Knitting. As sure as I know my name is Chris F'akename of Atwater City, Oregon.

General Discretion / Re: "Kafka-esque" Comcast CS Call
« on: July 15, 2014, 05:34:06 PM »
Reminds me of the old AOL calls.

Spamalot / Re: Greatest Lunch Meat
« on: July 15, 2014, 05:28:19 PM »
I have a friend who's pretty homophobic that I always used to mess with by grabbing his ass and flirting with him in public. One time he  finally decided to play back and ordered a Rueben sandwich at Dennys. The waiter, who may have been gay, responded "My name is Rueben" And my friend's knee-jerk response was "I know" which made the waiter giggle. It was only afterwards that he realized the implication of it and kind of started to freak out. Was good times. That's my Rueben sandwich story.

When I was living in a house with six other people we recieved a letter from an inmate in a correctional facility. Basically the previous tenants were drug dealers and the letter arrived after they got caught and fled. It was from a guy named Chainsaw basically trying to reassure the drug dealers that there was going to be some "happenings" in the prison and for them not to be concerned and that the business was running smoothly. Its just that one of the big players wasn't playing as a part of the team so they needed to take care of him but that everything was smooth and this was a small internal conflict being snuffed for the sake of the venture. It was very cryptic and very creepy and please don't tell anybody we opened it and read it Knitting.

Also I have a large drawing of Batman in my apartment that was drawn for me by a pedophile. Its our accountant's brother's work. He was molested as a kid and was convicted a few years ago of blowing a kid who went and told on him. Everybody is convinced he's innocent and the kid is lying but the story doesn't sound like that's the case. So I have this drawing hidden away in a closet and they keep asking me if I want any other drawings but I didn't even want that one. Even if he's innocent what the fuck am I going to do with a poster-sized Batman drawing as a 30 year old man? I'm not that neckbearded.

Spamalot / Re: I watch way too many cooking/travel shows
« on: July 13, 2014, 07:23:58 PM »
I am pretty gay for Anthony Bourdain

dated a chick for awhile that worked with celebrities like him coming into town and being basically a concierge of sorts, she said he was the biggest asshole she ever dealt with by a wide margin. She went out of her way to say that a surprising amount of celebrities are reasonable and fairly easy-going but she did not feel that way about him.


I had a friend who did a job like this. He met Dave Attell and said that the guy was the most fucking hardcore drinker he had ever met in his life. All he wanted to do was sit in the corner of a bar and just hammer drinks like they were nothing. He tried to keep up with Attell but couldn't and Dave didn't even seem all that drunk. The only time he would talk was when a fan would come up to him and he'd be somewhat nice to them but would remark how much he hated them when they left if they mentioned Insomniac.

General Discretion / Re: Tyrant
« on: July 13, 2014, 08:10:07 AM »
Thought this thread was about the primary antagonist of Resident Evil 2 so you could imagine my disappointment.

Spamalot / Re: is anyone playing video games tonight
« on: July 13, 2014, 08:01:17 AM »
I didn't even play any video games last night. What the fuck is the world coming to?

General Discretion / Re: Closing Time
« on: July 11, 2014, 05:12:46 PM »
Bands that write songs for bars are cynically clever. That song and "I Love This Bar" (well maybe just in the South) are almost guaranteed plays. If they could combine that with just a touch enough of Boston so people all drunkenly sing along then they will have struck gold that they can't really monetize all that well.

Spamalot / Re: Listen
« on: July 11, 2014, 05:07:13 PM »
Man fuck this thread title. I keep hearing it in Naavi's voice.

General Discretion / Re: This avatar
« on: July 10, 2014, 08:29:13 PM »
Only problem with your avatar is that I keep thinking you're Jawnee.

General Discretion / Re: genealogy thread
« on: July 10, 2014, 06:11:46 PM »
I was always raised to understand that both of my grandfather's sides were German and both of my grandmother's sides were Irish. There is for sure a lot of poor Irish in there (my dad's mom's surname was like Marthajohnny or something weird like that [not sure how its spelled just how its pronounced] and my mother's side of the family is super Irish Catholic trying to be WASPs) so I thought we were free of the "whoops we used to own slaves" thing but I did some digging on my specific surname (Wortham) and discovered it dates back to some dude who emigrated from England in the 1780's. He was a land owner in South Virginia and there's a suspicious amount of black people with the last name Wortham so unless he some kind of magical progressive land-owner like Mel Gibson's character from "The Patriot" (who was ironically based off a notoriously cruel slave hunter) and hired these people and adopted them as part of his family and paid them wages he straight up owned some people. Damn. My choices are to either go far-right and claim that "at least they had jobs and room and board" or go super liberal and straight-ticket vote unqualified angry black guys to satisfy my white guilt. White people problems are pretty awesome.

Spamalot / Taket
« on: July 10, 2014, 05:13:19 PM »
I wish there was some kind of internet version of the terrible birthday song and dance that restaurants compel their dejected waitstaff to do to their patrons that I could in turn do for you.

Spamalot / Re: Holly Fisher aka Jihad Barbie
« on: July 10, 2014, 02:26:55 PM »
There was a cloth map? Why? So the nazis couldn't hear you using it at night?

Spamalot / Re: Holly Fisher aka Jihad Barbie
« on: July 09, 2014, 04:43:42 PM »
and/or fattest person grow a slight neckbeard, put on a fedora, and stand in front of a blank background w/ the correct pose for Sors/Sear to photoshop

I actually have a fedora in my apartment. My friend bought one from Wal-Mart because he was going on a trip to England and he "didn't want to look like a tourist" so he bought a fedora. Anyways, his super WASPy mom saw a fedora just like it at Wal Mart and assumed it was her son's who accidently left it there or something and she kind of sorta accidently shop-lifted it. When I came over he was very enthusiastic to tell me this story and she was super duper embarassed and forced me to take the hat because I think she was afraid of having the evidence on hand just in case something happened. So there's a really shitty black, pin-striped fedora sitting in my closet collecting dust. I don't know why I'm saving it but I feel like I should. If only to blackmail her for sex at least.

Spamalot / Re: KB
« on: July 07, 2014, 10:56:21 PM »
How do you have enough time to read that picture but not enough to spell the word "with"? You're only really reducing the word by like two characters, man. Seems pretty pointless. You monster.

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