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Messages - Qubhed

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Spamalot / Re: Do you have good instints?
« on: November 17, 2015, 07:45:59 PM »
I killed like four hundred stints and wove a suit from their tiny, broken bird bodies. And then I wrapped myself in a large mesh screen and inserted myself into a blue whale's heart. Now my instints are in stints in a stent.

Spamalot / Re: Playing Fallout 4
« on: November 11, 2015, 06:45:55 PM »
I got it for the xbone because I don't know how to upgrade my computer plus I'm kind of broke right now because girlfriends are expensive

Spamalot / Playing Fallout 4
« on: November 10, 2015, 11:07:46 PM »

General Discussion / Re: The University of Missouri
« on: November 10, 2015, 06:06:58 PM »
Honestly I don't know why everybody is freaking out about this. So a bunch of racist ass shit happens at Missouri, the administration doesn't give a shit so the predominantly black football team strikes to financially hurt the institution that was profiting off of them. No taxation without representation or what have you, right? I don't think it was an outrage that he stepped down or was "forced" to step down. If you rely on a group of people to keep your school afloat don't shit on them. Seems pretty simple. I honestly hear far far far more people freaking out about "SJW's" then I see actual "SJW's" doing anything. Oh some stupid freshmen kids at a college said stupid shit? Oh no, its the end of the fucking world, everybody better whine about it about this egregious erosion of your rights to be an asshole over every mainstream media outlet. White men did this in the 80's, too. Freaking out about disco and shit. Calm the fuck down, already. There's enough of this shit on Reddit, I don't want to see it here at one of the few bastions of fucking rationality left on my internets. Its fucking annoying. Stopping before I go on a full, proper rant here.

Spamalot / Re: I shouldn't
« on: November 08, 2015, 06:16:31 PM »
I've been playing blue again pretty hot and heavy. Come play with us

General Discussion / Re: He did it
« on: October 28, 2015, 05:45:28 PM »
Is it impressive because you didn't have an nes? Common knowledge like konami code.

I had a NES. I'm a retro gaming turbonerd who played virtually every NES game in existence (even the shitty ones like Friday the 13th and Silver Surfer).

neckbeard seppuku may be in order

Even with cheat codes Silver Surfer was fucking hard as hell. What were they thinking? Also what the fuck was the objective in Uncanny X-Men other than going from cell to cell fighting the villains from Centipede? Also I never got past the very first stage of Bart Vs. The Space Mutants. Fuck the NES sometimes, really.

PS: Taket likely learned about the downhill thing from that xcdc or whatever comic like I did.

Spamalot / Re: wigged out today
« on: October 28, 2015, 05:43:09 PM »

Spamalot / Re: i hate someecards but....
« on: October 22, 2015, 05:03:59 PM »
Could be worse- you could be one of those pretentious hipster snobs who pretends like you don't live in a society where this shit is inundated into every facet of media. I remember when I was a kid I went through a stupid, snobby phase where I listened to only classical music and one time the DJ was talking about a piece which came from "Star Wars: Return of the Jetty" and I was just like c'mon dude, don't pretend you don't know how Jedi is pronounced like you're so erudite and above this shit. It doesn't make you sound intellectual, it makes you sound like an asshole.

General Discussion / Re: Boob size ?s
« on: September 28, 2015, 05:38:01 PM »

Spamalot / Re: Hey Daums
« on: September 21, 2015, 05:42:37 PM »
Every now and then we'll get a driver apply for a job only to fail his piss test because his piss was like 200 degrees. Happens way way more often than you'd think.

General Discussion / Re: Lol Texas
« on: September 17, 2015, 03:09:21 AM »
Ugh, its just stupid following stupid right now in Texas.

We have a local ice cream brand called Blue Bell that's made here in Texas. Not sure if its distributed nationally, so you may not have heard of it. Recently their plants got shut down because of Listeria outbreak. Apparently dozens of people got sick and like three people died over the course of three years. The company knew about this and felt they were shielded from any potential lawsuits so they seriously gave zero fucks about poisoning their customers. The FDA had to literally come in and shut them down for a few months while they isolated and fixed the problem. Texan's response to this ice cream coming back on the market? Buy every fucking drop of it at every location like a bunch of fucking morons. This company didn't give a fuck if they killed you or not, but you have to have a fierce fucking loyalty to it because its made here in Texas.

Also here in Houston some black dude killed a police officer. The black dude had a long history of being fucking crazy and there's no real proof he was politically motivated but that didn't stop every local news anchor or radio DJ in the Houston area from fully and completely condemning the Black Lives Matter movement for "going too far". There were all kinds of rallys and marches for this slain cop simply because they are framing it as some black vs white struggle. Cops have been killed before and nobody gave a shit but suddenly because they can demonize a movement they've been ignoring up until this point they're all fired up. Its maddening.

Ok rant over.

General Discussion / Re: Utumno: A Serious Skars Suggestion
« on: September 10, 2015, 08:18:18 PM »
We need more subforums. I want a Qubforum where my first act is to not allow any posts to exist in the Qubforum. Stat.

You guys :smitten:

Spamalot / Re: This is just to say,
« on: August 27, 2015, 06:09:57 PM »

Yeah for the brief time I was on I would get matched up with these beautiful women (but not as beautiful as my girlfriend[please don't kill me]) who would talk to me for a little bit and then their profiles would magically disappear. I'm pretty sure most dating websites in general are way out of balance in terms of male to female ratio so they do whatever they can to keep those dudes on the hook and shelling out money.

Spamalot / Re: Closet Renovations
« on: August 17, 2015, 09:19:01 PM »
He is pretty hilarious and it doesn't bother me anymore. If anything its made me stronger. It tickles me when grown ass people are squeamish about the thought of their parents boning.

Spamalot / Re: Closet Renovations
« on: August 17, 2015, 05:31:24 PM »
I got kind of desensitized to the idea of my parents having sex because my dad is a tremendous asshole. Sex was never a taboo topic in our household. I got "the talk" in great great detail when I was like 8 years old when I asked him if I had to stick my dick in the girl's butt and if it was gay if my dick touched her dick. I walked onto that recess playground like a fucking wizard answering other kid's questions accurately and in great description. Playboys became an open staple in our house (I half think he wanted to have the talk specifically so he didn't have to go to the trouble of hiding his Playboys) I think I was like maybe 12 when I innocently made an off-hand "yo mamma" joke in response to something my dad said. "Oh?" he replied with that twinkle in his eye "Do you want to know about YO mamma?" I cringed hard. "Yo mamma was slobbering on my cock and took a big steaming load in her mouth that dribbled down her chin and all over her tits." From that day forward my Dad gleefully took great enjoyment at graphically telling me all the disgusting sexual things they did. Still to this day he'll fuck with me about it. All because of one Yo Mamma joke. My dad is an asshole.

Spamalot / Re: This cant be real v. 2 -- extremely unrealer edition
« on: August 17, 2015, 05:24:32 PM »
Its going to be like playing a tambourine with a drumstick.

Spamalot / Re: This cant be real
« on: August 17, 2015, 05:23:46 PM »
I remember when I think Seary posted our link on 4chan and the collective 4chan community visited the board and replied "Meh"

Spamalot / Re: This cant be real v. 2 -- extremely unrealer edition
« on: August 16, 2015, 06:34:58 PM »
That's right. We all get to bang you before she does.

Spamalot / Re: pretend this thread is a twitter of impulse thoughts
« on: August 03, 2015, 05:31:27 PM »
I was watching episodes of Norm MacDonald's little internet show on YouTube when he did a testimonial for Jack Links beef jerky. There was a link up for it and it was and because there was nobody around and YouTube videos can't hear me I'm telling you guys the joke that occured to me. "Not to be confused with which is a very different webpage, despite all of the pictures of people with dark, hard meat in their mouths."

That is all. Thank you for your time.

Spamalot / Re: pretend this thread is a twitter of impulse thoughts
« on: July 30, 2015, 06:01:37 PM »
It's Florida. You're already swimming when you step outside.

Spamalot / Re: pretend this thread is a twitter of impulse thoughts
« on: July 30, 2015, 02:10:32 AM »
Because they can afford fancy things like fur catheters and gilded colostomy bags?

Spamalot / Re: pretend this thread is a twitter of impulse thoughts
« on: July 29, 2015, 11:30:06 PM »
You know when you wake up like ten minutes before your alarm goes off and you think "Oh, I'll just sleep ten more minutes" but then you have to pee so you get up and its a couple of minutes later and you're pretty much awake? Fuck when that happens. Would it really be that weird if people wore diapers to bed to pee in voluntarily? I don't want my children or my children's children to have to wait to be an old man to do that without judgement.

Spamalot / Re: pretend this thread is a twitter of impulse thoughts
« on: July 29, 2015, 05:23:57 PM »
I couldn't figure out how to open a bag of dog food so I watched a video on it. I felt so dumb afterwards. I still feel dumb, but I used to, too. Also I miss Mitch Hedberg.

General Discussion / Re: yes I'm alive and not addicted to drugs
« on: July 25, 2015, 02:32:41 PM »

How goes the muckraking? My suggestion: use a shovel or something. It's muck, it has a liquid quality to it, don't use something with forks. I have no idea what papers do.

Spamalot / Re: Little person
« on: July 21, 2015, 05:49:05 PM »
Dwarves have innate magic resistance and high starting stamina. Plus the chicks have thick beards and thick everything else. Why would you want to be anything else?

Spamalot / Re: Little person
« on: July 20, 2015, 07:20:40 PM »
Yeah, I've honestly felt the same way. "Little person" sounds so fucking condescending. Its what you call a mature child, not a fully grown adult.

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