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Messages - Qubhed

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General Discussion / Re: RIP Gene Wilder
« on: September 01, 2016, 12:55:57 AM »
I hear on the set of The Royal Tenenbaums he called Wes Anderson a cunt.

General Discussion / Re: Stunt dude unicycles on giant chimney
« on: August 31, 2016, 09:47:20 PM »
I feel like getting to the top of that chimney was probably more dangerous than what he did up there. Those walls were like four feet thick and completely wasted on the only form of transportation that I'm sure was invented solely as a joke. That man and his bandanna hat should feel nothing but shame for this accomplishment.

General Discussion / Re: Lightning bolt
« on: August 31, 2016, 07:16:44 PM »
Thought this thread would be about LARPers =(

Spamalot / Re: Got back from Aspen Saturday
« on: August 25, 2016, 09:43:43 PM »
There aren't minorities out there so maybe. Saw one black dude who was dressed like Colorado Carlton but that's it. We went to a little night club called Belly Up and saw some chick named Grace Potter dance around like an epileptic while singing boring songs we were unfamiliar with which just confirmed Aspen hadn't really fully discovered minorities yet. It was weird town, like some kind of rich, conservative Austin/Portland theme with an obsession over silver mining. Like ten random people talked to me about Aspen's history as a silver mining town and I have no idea why they cared so much or thought I would care. Also ended up leaving that concert and walking home but like a third of the way I felt a rumbling in the jungle and knew explosive diarrhea was coming but somehow by the grace of Innoruuk I managed to make it the like one and a half mile walk up hill without shitting my pants. If anybody ever asks me what my proudest accomplishment is I'm going to have to make something up.

Spamalot / Re: Got back from Aspen Saturday
« on: August 25, 2016, 05:25:58 PM »
Who hurt you?

Spamalot / Re: Got back from Aspen Saturday
« on: August 25, 2016, 02:41:18 AM »
1. Pic taken near Cyrodiil when we accidentally walked into an artist's painting and had to fight a troll
4. Aspen might as well just be Skyrim

Spamalot / Re: i got married
« on: August 23, 2016, 10:46:28 PM »
Grats Mr and Mrs Asauregg

Spamalot / Got back from Aspen Saturday
« on: August 23, 2016, 05:23:53 PM »
Crazy to see how the other side lives. I'll post pics once I get them from my gf. Stayed at her dad's place up there. As a fat guy: fuck mountains. Seriously.

Spamalot / Re: Hooked up my SNES
« on: August 23, 2016, 05:21:39 PM »
Best part about block fort was filling the bottom level with green shells bouncing around like crazy so if anybody fell in there they were doomed.

General Discussion / Re: Dfw folks
« on: August 08, 2016, 05:47:07 PM »
tucc is married?

Yeah dude.  1 year anniversary coming up soon.  Our families don't know that we're married though.  We will be holding our real "wedding" after she graduates next year.

Well they're going to get suspicious when you pick her up for prom, don't you think?

Spamalot / Re: 2010
« on: June 29, 2016, 06:52:33 PM »
I lost one of my apartment mailboxes this way. The only real piece of mail I had been receiving was a monthly Comcast bill whose price I could predict. One day I went to check it and it was empty with one of those "new tenant" forms inside. I was too embarrassed to fill out the same information again so I just went without mail for like six months. Ended up with like 200 dollars in credit to Comcast because I had been slightly overpaying.

I've worked in trucking going on like 16 years now and I don't know the first thing about driving a truck- including how to drive stick.

Spamalot / Re: TzT is actually dead?
« on: June 19, 2016, 11:38:33 AM »

Five guys, seven dolls, one cell phone belt clip.

General Discussion / Re: Game of Thrones S6 [Spoilers]
« on: June 16, 2016, 07:20:48 PM »
Cersei has to have something up her sleeve.  If this season rids us of her and Ramsey, who is going to be the new bad guy?  Someone has to step up, and I don't see Ramsey making it out this year.

Also, I am super annoyed with Tyrion this season.  He masterfully ran King's Landing, but he is making horrible choices with Mereen.  I can't imagine Dany is going to be happy with what he's done.  He effectively went against her wishes, brought in an unauthorized religion, and made a horrible assumption about the masters that ended up with him in a virtually indefensible position.  He just comes across as clueless.  It could be part of his arc... he gets Westoros, but not Essos, maybe? I dunno, but I am not enjoying it.

On the first point I'm thinking Euron will be our next big villain. I was reading a write up about how there's been three big villains representing different aspects of war or what have you. First was Tywin who was a very political evil, than Ramsey who was a very human evil and next will be Euron representing a supernatural evil.

On the second point I don't think he fucked up too badly. They didn't have the resources to mount attacks on the other two cities AND hold Mereen so they would have just dwindled what little they have until they were exhausted and finally defeated. Ask Sparta about that when they conquered Greece. After they were overthrown they were basically just a giant joke. This invasion was inevitable but he managed to buy Mereen some time to get its shit together and get the people united. That would help a great deal in a siege type position. However with Dany back and the Ironborn on the way I don't think its going to be a very long lived siege.

Little worried about Bastard Bowl. I think Jon will look crushed before the Knights of the Vale swoop in and save the day. Ramsay is being stupid meeting them in the field like Roose said which will give a huuuuge advantage to the armored calvary sweeping in and laying waste. Littlefinger will definitely use the situation to his advantage with his army stationed there and will basically force Sansa to be his puppet. Her machinations from that point forward are the wildcard.

General Discussion / Re: Game of Thrones S6 [Spoilers]
« on: June 13, 2016, 04:31:48 AM »
A little pet theory I've been sitting on for a while has become a little more possible. Its funny, if Cersei does indeed blow up King's Landing then its reasonable to believe that the ancient Targaryen stronghold, Dragonstone, might become the new capital of Westeros. Stannis constantly insisted that the only way for him to seize the throne was to always be taking action, however if he had just bided his time after the Blackwater and never went to the North then as the events unfolded he would not only be the only remaining heir but he would already being holding the new seat of power. Davos fucked his shit up =/ Hell if he never even rebelled at all he might have become king if something else killed Renly.

« on: June 12, 2016, 07:37:11 PM »
Shouldn't it be "Never say never except when you're clarifying when to say never"?

Agrul fighting the good fight of being reasonable on an unreasonable internet.

Spamalot / Re: My Girlfriend
« on: June 06, 2016, 06:30:12 PM »
Matchstick Men is a great Nic Cage flick. Maybe because I'm a sucker for stories about conmen but I really enjoyed it.

Spamalot / Re: Gen X movies
« on: May 13, 2016, 12:20:53 AM »
Tarantino characters can be kind of boring sometimes but one of my all time favorite characters is Budd from Kill Bill 2. He comes off as this redneck simpleton but there's so much depth to his character that they only hint at. First of all he strikes me as a man living in penance for his sins. And not just because of his dialogue with Bill. He's one of the best trained assassins in the world and yet he lives in a shithole trailer in the middle of the El Paso desert (the same city where they attacked the Bride mind you) He works an incredibly humiliating job for a douchebag and his condescending staff. If he wanted to he could butcher every single person working there, torch the place and march off into the sunset never to be seen again, but he doesn't. Instead he seems to go out of his way to antagonize his employer in such a cavalier way and get himself some free time after knowing the Bride was after him. He likely wants to die. Maybe that's why he stays in El Paso. Hoping that one day she'll wake up and he'll be the first person she kills. But she doesn't. When he realizes that she's finally come for him he sets up in his chair and is the only single member of the Assassin Squad to actually down the Bride. But then he does something interesting. Instead of killing her outright he puts her in his cowboy boots (a boot mind you he HAD to have known had a knife in it) and buries her alive with a flashlight. Now he must have gone through the same training under Pai Mei as the others. He probably punched those same wooden boards thousands upon thousands of times. He had to have known that if she was strong enough she could escape her fate. And she was the strongest of them. He was stalling. What does he do then? Well he offers to sell her Hanzai sword to Elle. He even tells her where the Bride is buried, exact tombstone and everything. All part of his master plan. He obviously doesn't need the money. If he did he wouldn't maintain the awful lifestyle he was in in the first place. No, I posit that instead he was wanting to lure Elle out. He knew that unlike the others she would hide from the Bride for as long as she could and possibly find a way to ambush her instead. He knew Elle was going to kill him. THe look of amused surprise on his face when he opens the suitcase and it actually has cash in it is very telling. But he had safeguards. In every possible scenario he would get the justice he felt needed to be served. He probably knew she would try to take credit for the Bride's murder (and she did) and he probably knew that Bill would have exhumed the body for confirmation. Once he found Budd's boots on the bride he would know that Elle was lying about her and Budd's death and kill Elle. Or he could stall Elle until the Bride frees herself and kills Elle herself. Worst case scenario she buys the sword with no funny business and he walks away with a million dollars. Worst case scenario.

Spamalot / Re: My Girlfriend Pt. 2
« on: May 12, 2016, 11:56:49 PM »
attempt to convince people u have a girlfriend

Totally do! And she does sex to me like all the time. Here's a picture we took today:

Spamalot / Re: Gen X movies
« on: May 12, 2016, 07:43:32 PM »
Oh my god thank you. I remember being a kid and thinking "this will never look as foreign to me as shit from the 70's does" but here we are. Hell even that 2000ish era fashion looks really strange only a decade later.

I had a friend who was obsessed with Fight Club and missed the meaning by more than a mile. Even searched for and purchased Brad Pitt's super expensive wardrobe in the film. I remember the Halloween after the Dark Knight came out he was so moody and broody because he spent all this time and money on a Joker costume only to be somehow surprised to see like a million other people with the same costume, most of which spent a fraction of the time on it. THat's why I always like to go dressed as a recently dead celebrity- you're likely not going to see somebody in the same costume and if you do- bam, lifelong friend.

Spamalot / Gen X movies
« on: May 12, 2016, 06:55:55 PM »
Really have not aged well. Saw the trailer for Trainspotting again. That whole monologue, "Choose a car, choose a job with insurance benefits, choose a nice apartment and a big screen TV" Its like you should be so lucky you little shit. So many movies from that era are some whiny little middle class white guy bitching that his life is too good but he wants to "follow his dreams" Like fuck your dreams man, I'm barely keeping my head above water.

Its a thing I kind of like/dislike about Fight Club. Its almost genius how people misunderstand that movie at all these different layers. At the most shallow layer were the guys who launched their own "Fight Clubs" because they thought a bunch of dudes beating the shit out of each other in an unregulated environment with no professionals on hand was a good idea. Then you had the Gen X psuedointellectuals who shaved their heads and rebelled against consumerism, mimicking the directionless cult followers they didn't even realize we're mocked by the movie itself. THen you just have cynical assholes like myself who talk about the other two groups with a smug sense of superiority that take themselves too seriously but are just as easily mockable and lack the self awareness and balls to really dig into themselves. Bunch of dicks, the whole lot of us.

Spamalot / My Girlfriend Pt. 2
« on: May 12, 2016, 02:52:43 AM »
You only clicked for pics, didn't you? I spent like an hour on that stupid NFL post and it got like a third of the views as the thread titled "My Girlfriend"

You guys should be ashamed of yourselves.

Spamalot / Re: My Girlfriend
« on: May 12, 2016, 02:18:14 AM »
32, like me. Also Knitting I sent that picture of her to you in confidence and it really disappoints me that you would so flippantly post it like this.

Spamalot / Re: Excuse me is this the posting forum?
« on: May 11, 2016, 11:54:29 PM »
Oh I'm so sorry, it is, but its the never stop posting forum

Spamalot / My Girlfriend
« on: May 11, 2016, 02:54:37 AM »
When I asked her what I should choose as my second topic she responded with something about somebody named Blac Chyna and her new baby with one Rob Kardashian so for this thread I would like thoughtfully stroke my neckbeard and make our topic: Girls: Why do they like such awful things? She likes me as well but that's not really helping her case much.

Spamalot / NFL Team Breakdown
« on: May 11, 2016, 02:52:13 AM »
So whenever anybody asks me about which football team I think is going to win any particular game I always think to myself: Who would win in a fight between their mascots? Now for years this was hands down the Jets but with the invention of the Titans this throws a wrench into the machinery. Titans were powerful demi-gods or something like that in Greek mythology. However, this is also the only mascot that is fictional. Here are my rankings and you should bet all of your money accordingly. I like to assume the baddest ass incarnation of any particular mascot when I'm assessing their weaknesses and strengths. I will list them according to a NFL picture thing that my Dad has hanging in my office.

Chargers: Alright to start off with this one is kind of abstract. I mean when I think of a charger I'm thinking like a cell phone charger but their picture is a lightning bolt so maybe they're supposed to be electricity. This puts them pretty high on the list I guess but I'm not necessarily sure if I can fairly count them as more than one single lightning bolt. People have survived being struck by lightning. Hell even without proper medical care I'm sure a few animals have survived being struck by lightning. Not 100% sure where to power rank them but I'll go with 7/10

Bengals: Alright, motherfucking tigers dude. I would say even though they are animals and some of our mascots have guns, in the right environment they could still sneak up on a motherfucker and tear their shit up. Power ranking: A+

Steelers: So I'm assuming a laborer in the steel industry. Going to rank this one kind of low since its just some dude with maybe some kind of heavy tool. It could still beat the shit out of some of the pussier mascots (including the Packer- but barely) Power ranking: Nuh uh

Texans: Well this one is confusing because the name is Texans but the mascot is a fucking bull. A bull is kind of scary if you're lets say a Steeler or a fucking Sea Hawk but not so bad for most others. If you want to take it the other direction you've got a fat guy with a large arsenal of firearms and poor reasoning abilities working in the now failing oil industry so that's kind of dangerous. He has a firepower superiority over most of the things on this list but also the slow reaction time and lack of an ability to even jog faster than walking speed for more then 15 seconds so you could just encircle him and he's down for the count. Power ranking: Congestive Heart Failure

The Ravens: Alright, I'm not going to give this one the credit of Brandon Lee. I'm sorry. Its a fucking bird. A lot of teams go with fucking birds for some reason and although this is a smart ass bird credited with fucking up Japanese transit and shit its still just a bird. Power ranking: Nevermore

Patriots: Flintlock muskets and maybe a cannon. Basically if he can land a blow on the first shot he's golden but his rifle might also blow up in his hand disfiguring him and something like a Raven could just wait for gangrene to set in and win with patience. I would still rank him higher than the birds and laborers and most of the animals that aren't the Bengals or the Bears. However he is fighting for our freedoms so I will grant him the power ranking of 'Murica.

Titans: I already pretty much covered this. I'm trying not to be biased since I grew up in Houston and remember when their sucky asses cried and left our city when they were the Oilers. I'd rank them pretty high but again, they're the only fictional creature on this list because apparently Bud Adams didn't get the "Football Team Naming Schemes" memo the NFL sent out and apparently Nashville Tennessee has absolutely nothing worth celebrating so fuck them. Power ranking: Nerds

Bills: A buffalo- possibly a con artist. They're powerful creatures so they could definitely beat the shit out of a ram or a fucking bird but would get absolutely historically destroyed by the Cowboys. Power ranking: Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo

Dolphins: Ugh, stupid fucking dolphins? Was the owner looking at his awful wife's tramp stamp when searching for inspiration on what to name their team? I would put them over stupid birds but little else unless there was a mascot that was a menstruating tourist. Power ranking: Ecco

Jaguars: Here we go, finally another team named after something badass. I would rank them below bears and bengals but competitive or better than most everything else. Power ranking: 2/5ths a Matt Damon

Browns: Alright this one is pretty abstract. Are they literally just the color brown. Had to google this one and apparently it was reluctantly named after the team's owner so I can only imagine their mascot to be a mid-20th century business man. Not putting it high on the list for that reason. Power ranking: Capitalism

Chiefs: Would fair pretty decently against the Bisons and the Bears and could give the Cowboys a run for their money but I really only have them ranked somewhat in the middle among the humans. They're stronger than the laborers but lack the firepower of the paleskins. There's historical presidence for them kicking Viking's asses, too. Extra points for being about Native Americans without being blatantly racist about it. Power ranking: Whew, glad were not those other guys

Raiders: Pirates. One of two pirate themed teams. Would put them at a stalemate with the Buccs. They're the only team whose fans might actually stab you so I rank them fairly high on the human list. I think they could take the Chiefs and the Vikings but I put them on a technological level with the Patriots so later gen humans could probably kill them. Power ranking: scurvy

Broncos: Horses. Unless the opposing team is a bunch of middle school aged girls with boy band posters on their walls they're not really going to do much harm. I rank them higher than the birds, of course, but only higher than the rams as far as animals go. Power ranking: Hymen busting

Jets: Undefeated champions of football. I'm not much of a football fan but I can only assume they absolutely dominate each and every season without fail. Power ranking: 9/11

Falcons: Ranked high amongst the birds. I'm going to put them above the sea hawks because wtf is a sea hawk and why does it look like Toucan Sam? Power ranking: Ununseeable bird attack erection

Saints: So even if you're not a Catholic and think they don't have magical powers they are actually people who existed. Probably pacifist holy rollers. I would actually rank them pretty low on the human list since they would probably welcome the opportunity to be martyred even by members of the packing industry. Hell I would even rank them lower than the birds since they'd probably want to be friends and talk about Jesus with them. Perhaps the weakest team in the NFL. Power ranking:  :rolleyes:

Sea Hawks: I mean I guess they're not so bad. They could definitely take a cardinal but I feel like an Eagle or Falcon would fuck their shit up. Power ranking:

Redskins: Power ranking: Ugh, really?

Panthers: Pretty badass, I would rank them as stalemates with the jaguars. I would do them more justice but I'm pretty far into this list and eager to wrap things the fuck up. Power ranking: Peter Sellers

Packers: Really? I would rank these only above Saints in terms of power rankings. Maybe they could take a cardinal out, I dunno. Power ranking: menial labor

Giants: Fuck, I didn't realize at first there were two fictional creatures on this list. This is the motherfucking wild card. If GoT is a good indicator these guys could probably fuck up most of the things on this list save for the Titans or Jets. I hereby rank them third. Power ranking: Wun Wun

Buccaneers: Went over this with the Raiders I think but I'm not sure what technically defines a "raider" and the distinction between it and a "buccaneer" Power ranking: Wait how much is that corn?

Lions: I would put them pretty high up on the animal list. I think a Bengal or Grizzly might fuck them up but they could probably take out a panther or jaguar. Maybe, I dunno, feel free to make this thread awesome and debate the finer points of imaginary animal fights. Power ranking: Detroit

Cardinals: Man they really drew the short straw when picking their team name. Were all the good names taken and they were left drafting the fat kid onto their proverbial kickball team? Its easily the wussiest of all the birds even if they try to give it those pointed angry eyes. Power ranking: N/A

Vikings: I believe they would do better than all of the laborers on this list but worse than all the other fighter types. Power ranking: Norse by Norsewest.

Cowboys: I think these guys would do fairly well amongst the humans. Could definitely take the Patriots just by superior fire power. Could be defeated by industrial gentrification and lung cancer. Power ranking: Sunset Riders

Rams: Easily the weakest of all of the animals unless the fight takes place on the sheer face of a mountainside, then I would still put my money on one of the larger birds if the Discovery channel is to be trusted. Power ranking: Hemi

49ers: So this one is a little abstract but its those who rushed to California in 1849 due to the discovery of gold. At best you have some settler dude the likes of which you might see on Deadwood, at worst you have a cartoon panhandler. Power ranking:

Eagles: I would put these guys at the highest echelon of the birds list but at the end of the day they're still just fucking birds. Power ranking: birdman

Bears: Pretty savage animal. If this wasn't at the bottom of my list I would probably go into greater detail about how awesome they are. GOing to assume Kodiak Grizzly or Polar in its most badass form which gives even some of the armed humans a run for their money. Power ranking: George Wendt.

There you go, an unbiased report on the best and brightest football teams. Hopefully I will come up with better ideas for my next threads and won't be forced to do basketball or baseball (the lol of sports)

General Discussion / Re: Graph of what kills Americans
« on: May 10, 2016, 10:17:42 PM »
The Others kills 100% of Americans. Why hasn't President Obummer declared war on the Others? Why are we protecting the Others? Vote Jon Snow and make Westeros Great Again.

Spamalot / Re: low effort post
« on: May 10, 2016, 01:20:32 AM »
That's going to be an irresistible madlib for petty vandalism.

Spamalot / Re: Two Threads a Day
« on: May 10, 2016, 12:28:57 AM »
Yeah my fellow Daums, don't you want to feed starving children your big dicks?

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